Ch. 4: Know Yourself That You May Know God
"When we deny our pain, losses, and feelings year after year, we become less and less human. We transform slowly into empty shells with smiley faces painted on them...the call of discipleship includes experiencing our feelings, reflecting on our feelings, and then thoughtfully responding to our feelings under the lordship of Jesus."
We were created in God's image and part of Who God is, is that God feels:
- -Delight: "God saw that it was good...very good"(Gen.1:25, 31)
- -Grief, Pain: "The Lord was grieved that He had made man on the earth, and His heart was filled with pain." (Gen. 6:6)
- -Jealousy, a holy jealousy (unlike our human envy): "I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God." (Exodus 20:5)
- -Let it out!: "For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out, I gasp and pant." (Isa.42:14)
- Anger: "The fierce anger of the Lord will not turn back until He fully accomplishes the purposes of His heart." (Jeremiah 30:24)
- Love: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jer. 31:3)
- Compassion: "How can I hand you over, Israel?...My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused." (Hosea 11:8)
- Sorrow; Troubled: "He began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then He said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.'" (Matt.26:37-38)
- Anger; Distress: "He looked around them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, 'Stretch out your hand'" (Mark 3:5)
- Joy: "At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit" (Luke 10:21)
Ignatius of Loyola cited guidelines for sorting out how God speaks to us through the raw material of our emotions. He talks about consolations: those interior movements and feelings that bring life, joy, peace, and the fruit of the Spirit); and desolations: that which bring us "death," inner turmoil, disquiet, and "spiritual turbulence". God intends that we mature in learning to recognize how He speaks and guides us through our feelings.
In The Cry of the Soul, Dan Allender and Tremper Longman say that "in neglecting our intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and lose a wonderful opportunity to know God. We forget that change comes through brutal honesty and vulnerability before God."
God has shaped and crafted us internally--with a unique personality, thoughts, dreams, temperament, feelings, talents, gifts, and desires. He has planted "true seeds of self" inside of us. They make up the authentic "us".
3 powerful temptations threaten us that scream:
-"God's love for you will never be enough!"
-"You are not lovable."
-"You are not good enough."
Temptation#1: I am what I do (Performance)
-Our culture asks us "What have you achieved?" We are worthwhile if we have been successful. When we aren't , we may strive harder, go inward into depression out of shame, or blame others.
Temptation#2: I am what I have (Possession)
-Our culture tells us only possessions and talents and applause from othe people are sufficient for security. If you don't have much, well, then you're not much.
Temptation#3: I am what others think (Popularity)
-Most of us care a whole lot about how others view us. What should I say here? What school should my child go to? What kind of career...housing... Our self-image soars with compliments and is devastated by criticism.
Everyone has expectations of us. Even Jesus felt this pressure and in stayin true to Himself, he disappointed many:
-He disappointed His family. They wondered if he was out of His mind.(Mark 3:21)
-He disappointed the people He grew up with. (Luke 4:28-29)
-He disappointed His closest friends, the 12 disciples.
-He disappointed the religious leaders.
Yes, He lived for others but from His true self.
Differentiation--Living Faithful To Your True Self
Murray Bowen describes differentiation as a person's capacity to define his or her own life's goals and values apart from the pressures of those around them."
It involves the ability to hold on to who you are and who you are not.The degree to which you are able to affirm your distinct values and goals apart from the pressures around you (separate-ness) while remaining close to people important to you (togetherness) helps determine your level of differentiation....Itensity of feelings, high stress, or the anxiety of others around them does not overwhelm their capacity to think intelligently.
Thomas Merton describes what we do:
"I ...love to clothe this false self... and I wind experiences around myself with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself visible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface. But there is no substance under the things with which I am clothed. I am hollow....And when they are gone there will be nothing left of me but my own nakedness and emptiness and hollowness."
How do we dismantle this false self and allow our true self in Christ to emerge?
1. Pay attention to your interior in silence and solitude.--be silent; journal.
2. Find trusted companions. --ask God to direct you to the right people to walk alongside.
3. Move out of your comfort zone. --finally being true to yourself can be frightening.
4. Pray for courage. --people closest to you will oppose that change.
As Augustine prayed, "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know Thee."
Prayer:
Lord, help me to be still before You. Lead me to a greater vision of Who You are, and in so doing, may I see myself--the good, the bad, and the ugly. Grant me the courage to follow You, to be faithful to become the unique person You have created me to be. I ask You for the Holy Spirit's power to not copy another person's life or journey. "God, submerge me in the darkness of Your love, that the consciousness of my false, everyday self falls away from [me] like a soiled garment...May my 'deep self' fall into Your Presence...knowing You alone...carried away into eternity like a dead leaf in the November wind." In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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