When the financial hardship hit years ago, that 'giving' had to stop as everything we had went to the basics of living. Something in me died. There is a grief and loss that goes deep. God was continuing a 'humiliating' that was stripping away what I placed my value in. Other areas of my life where I felt 'confident' were soon eroded. That was when I wrote this:
Like No Other
Who do you say I am?
I am a wife and a mother…
I need to be like no other….
‘Alright, so I lost it… again..and again…
One day I’ll make it through, Lord…but when?’
I am a friend worthy of honour…
I need to be like no other….
‘its true…your friendship is a treasure..
but you’re no asset in the who-we-know measure.
’I am an academic, that’s never a bother…
I need to be like no other…
"30 minutes left!"…..I looked in a daze!
My mind was in an unbelievable haze!
I am a…I am a….yet another…
I needed to be like no other…
But each time I could plainly see,
It was not what I had thought I’d be.
Stripped and pruned by His own hand.
I have no imprint on the sand.
‘Nothing…nothing…I am nothing…!’
Recoiling, retreating, merely existing.
The Deceiver smirked, ‘my plan is working.’
The Father replied, ‘You forget, I AM sovereign!’
"Help me Lord..something is wrong…
In my weakness, You’re supposed to be strong!"
‘What I see, child, is your dearth
In not knowing your eternal worth.
Not in your head, but deep in your soul,
Your value in Me will make you whole.’
‘You are My child,’ says I AM,
‘Redeemed and bought by the blood of the Lamb.
You are my Beloved, you are mine,
I had a plan for you, before time began.’
I AM who says,
‘You are like NO OTHER.’
Instead, God has been teaching me the humility and grace of 'receiving.' I had no idea.
In our culture 'receiving' is tantamount to being a beggar, a role of 'shame.' If someone was unemployed, he must be defective in some way. It is no wonder whenever I have received 'gifts' in times of need, I have felt mortification, like my 'family name' was at stake. As I was reading Ravi Zacharias' memoirs, I realize that it probably goes to the womb of my heritage coming from a 'shame-based' culture. Wow, walking in the shoes of the other person certainly blasts away presumptions; painful stripping for someone God designed with an extra sensitive psyche.
Today, probably because of the post I recently wrote, someone who obviously knows me and my mailing address sent me a 'gift'. No signature. Blank sender. Just a bill in a little card with a heart.
My first reaction? Gratitude? I'm afraid not. I again was mortified, ashamed, embarassed. The intention of my post was never to have anyone, especially friends, give me gifts. I would much rather earn income from my freelance editing/proofreading in which I just received training.
My second reaction? Gratitude for the sensitivity and thoughtfulness of the sender. When a friend gives you a monetary gift, the dynamics of that friendship must change. I would be afraid to 'share' honestly in case my friend felt obligated to give if my concerns were financial. Who knows the sacrifice behind this gift? This could have gone to something that other person needs or wants.
My final response? Praise and gratitude to God. Whoever you are as God's instrument, thank you so much. This weekend is my son's birthday and I can now give him a gift without feeling stress. That is a gift in itself.
Today my Bible reading was from 1 Samuel. Here is a small excerpt from Ch.2:
6 "The LORD brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
7 The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
he humbles and he exalts.
8 He raises the poor from the dust
8 He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor.
"For the foundations of the earth are the LORD's;
upon them he has set the world.
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
9 He will guard the feet of his saints,
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness.
"It is not by strength that one prevails;
Thank You, Lord.
The Lord is my Shepherd
I shall not want.
2 comments:
Awww,that is so sweet of someone to do that.
I remember one time when our kids were little and my husband was a plumber....doing work for new homes. It was Dec. and cold and bad weather and all of a sudden there was no work for him which meant no pay.
I was so sad and he felt bad. We both thought it was going to be the worst Christmas.
My son had wanted a Nintendo really bad and they were hard to find at that time. My sweet inlaws knew we were struggling and they found one at a nearby Wal Mart and said we could just pay them back a little at a time. It was the best Christmas. Brian was SO excited that he got a Nintendo.
I know how you feel Sita. I've been there. Someone was very blessed to give you this money and they will see fruit and be rewarded.
Hang in there and I promise it'll get better!
Love you & tell your son "Happy Birthday!"
Val
Ours also is a shame based culture, but some people are just receivers shamelessly, as I mentioned my maid 's story on my blog.
Its takes humility to accept help I think.
My family have been givers, in fact pastors from other churchs send needy peopkle to us. But I have learnt to receive too.
The K Green songs are very anointed. This tape of mine got spoilt becasue I lent it to a friend.
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