2013: A New Year marked by Strength

2 Corinthians 12:9 (AMP)

⁹ But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!

As I was reading my Scripture today, I asked the Lord to impress upon my heart a verse, a word, or principle that would mark the New Year 2013. 
I also noted that as I thought about 2012 and some traumatic incidents, that 2012 seemed marked by emotional fragility as events proved too much for me to firmly control my emotions. I seemed to be leaking everywhere. 
Towards the end of the year I finished a study based on Peter Scazzero's book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, which brought insight and healing and guidance.

As it turns out, this 'weeping for the night' was not about fragility, but about honesty. 
Not about weakness, but about strength.
Charles Spurgeon puts it well:

“Those who serve God must serve Him in His own way, and in His strength, or He will never accept their service. That which man doth, unaided by divine strength, God can never own. The mere fruits of the earth He casteth away; He will only reap that corn, the seed of which was sown from heaven, watered by grace, and ripened by the sun of divine love. God will empty out all that thou hast before He will put His own into thee; He will first clean out thy granaries before He will fill them with the finest of the wheat. The river of God is full of water; but not one drop of it flows from earthly springs. God will have no strength used in His battles but the strength which He Himself imparts. Are you mourning over your own weakness? Take courage, for there must be a consciousness of weakness before the Lord will give thee victory. Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up.” – Charles Spurgeon

Daniel 10:19

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹⁹ And he said, O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you! Be strong, yes, be strong. And when he had spoken to me, I was strengthened and said, Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.

Psalm 28:7

Amplified Bible (AMP)

⁷ The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song will I praise Him.

Psalm 59:17

Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹⁷ Unto You, O my Strength, I will sing praises; for God is my Defense, my Fortress, and High Tower, the God Who shows me mercy and steadfast love.

Psalm 73:26

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the Rock and firm Strength of my heart and my Portion forever.

Isaiah 40:31

Amplified Bible (AMP)

³¹ But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.

And that is the 'word' that drew me during my reading. I will explore more on this as the year progresses. I just googled 'strength' and surprisingly it was Wiki.answers that gave me the best answer:

Strength is defined in Wiki.Answers.com as, "...a mixture of perseverance and faith. Strength is the quality of being able to purge through tough, heinous or heartbreaking times, situations, feelings and emotions where others would think it normal or expect you to give up. True strength is relying on the Lord, His guidance and leadership, while you are undergoing the pain and suffering. 

True strength is saying "I will not give up".

So, as the New Year is ushered in, I invite you to sing along with Chris Tomlin, Everlasting God (Strength Will Rise):

Happy New Year 2013 to all who drop by.

May you too know Him to be your strength as you wait on Him, as you delight in Him, as you rest in Him.

Chosen

CHOSEN

Last night, there was a sudden 'realization' that whispered in my spirit that brought sudden warmth.
At my age and season, I see so much about women pursuing and living their dreams.
People always tell me what I 'should' do or could do.
It has always disturbed me that I never really had a burning desire for anything, no careers, not even marriage or children as most of my girlfriends.
It had me floundering, "Who am I?"

And just last night as I was watching a Christmas movie I remembered what has always appealed to my inner spirit. The people I most admire and want to be like.
Mary, the mother of Jesus, came to mind. Mary, the sister of Martha came to mind. Mother Teresa came to mind. St. Francis of Assisi came to mind. And of course, Monica, from Touched By An Angel.

These are all people with a special connection to Jesus, with a longing to spend time with Him, gazing on His beauty. God seemed to have given to each of them a special insight into His heart and they 'saw' Him.

Then I  remembered as a child the verse that took a hold of my imaginations and heart.
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.(Matt.5:8 (NIV)"
And, yes, God produced in me a deep longing for purity in order to see God.

Thus, where my life has become 'stained' by life and blurred my vision of God, a terrible sadness and disappointment has sunk deeply into my spirit.
As I was telling Mike last night, "I always wondered why God chose Mary to bear His Son". 
It revealed a deep longing to be chosen by God for an extra special revelation and communion with Him.
 I have tasted of His beauty in a minute way and wanted to have that special communion with Him that Gregory of Nyssa, the great bishop and theologian of the 4th century talked about here. Gregory compares the contemplation of God to a person looking at a spring that bubbles up from the earth:
"As you came near the spring you would marvel, seeing that the water was endless, as it constantly gushed up and poured forth. Yet you could never say that you had seen all the water. How could you see what was still hidden in the bosom of the earth? Hence no matter how long you might stay at the spring, you would always be beginning to see the water...It is the same with one who fixes his gaze on the infinite beauty of God. It is constantly being discovered anew, and it is always seen as something new and strange in comparison with what the mind has already understood. And as God continues to reveal Himself, man continues to wonder; and he never exhausts His desire to see more, since what he is waiting for is always more magnificent, more divine, than all that he has already seen." 

And then there was Mary sitting at Jesus' feet gazing upon Him, listening to Him, just being with Him. I wanted to be Mary.

But my desire to just simply 'be' with Jesus annoys people who want me to 'do' something with my life. Yes, I want to 'do' something that brings in income to meet expenses. But, doors close everywhere I go. There were a couple of doors that should have opened logically speaking, yet, they were closed in my face, so to speak. I don't seem to be any 'earthly' good, so I thought it would have been so much better if God had just created me for the heavenly realm like the fictitious Monica to do His bidding here.
But since He didn't, He knew.
So until, God does open that door for me to 'do', I want to 'be' with Him.


As I told Mike that I wanted to be 'chosen' like Mary, he said, "You have been..."

Slowly it dawned.
Yes, that was my deepest longing: to be 'chosen' by Him, to be singled out for a special connection with Him.
Yet, He already did.
(Jeremiah 1:5a (AMP))
Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you;...
(Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV))
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

But I needed to 'realize' it, deep in my spirit.

May this truth penetrate my heart and your heart this season.
You are chosen to carry His Son in your heart, chosen for a special connection unique to you and God.
Seek it, pursue it, for nothing else will satisfy.

There were a couple of songs that filled my mouth during a time when I experienced a sweet communion with Him playing on my guitar and singing to Him over and over again:
I Love You Lord...
And I Keep Falling in Love With You...

#10 (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by P. Scazzero) : Develop a trellis to help us abide in Christ.

**Please note that most of the words are taken verbatim from Peter Scazzero's book Emotionally Healthy Spirituality which I am working through, to reinforce my learning.

Ch. 10: Go The Next Step To Develop A "Rule Of Life" (Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality)

We are called to order our entire life in such a way that the love of Christ comes before all else.

The Ancient Treasure of a Rule of Life
The word rule comes from the Greek word for trellis, which is a tool that enables a grapevine to get off the ground and grow upward, becoming more fruitful and productive.
In the same way, a Rule of Life is a trellis that helps us abide in Christ and become more fruitful spiritually.

What is a Rule of Life?
Simply put, it is an intentional, conscious plan to keep God at the center of everything we do. It provides guidelines to help us continually remember God as the Source of our lives. It includes our simple combination of spiritual practices that provide structure and direction for us to intentionally pay attention and remember God in everything we do.
The starting point and foundation of any Rule is a desire to be with God and to love Him.
Let us go back to Daniel and early Church history to consider the roots of this hidden treasure.

Daniel's "Rule of Life"
Daniel was a teenager when he was taken off into exile in the Babylonian court of Nebuchadnezzar. They changed his name and exposed him to their culture and philosophy. Their goal was to eliminate Daniel's distinctiveness as a God-follower and absorb him into the values of their culture.
How could Daniel resist this enormous power with a minimal support system?
He had a "Rule of Life". He oriented his life around loving God. He renounced certain activities, like eating the king's food, and engaged in his 'Daily Office'. In this hostile environment he blossomed into an extraordinary man of God.

A Short History of 'The Rule'
From the end of the 3C to the 5C, men and women withdrew from society into the deserts of Egypt, Syria, Palestine, and Arabia to seek God, to free themselves from any distractions between them and God. A number of communities were formed and daily life was organized around a plan consisting of work, prayer, and study of Scripture. A number of writings evolved formulating "Rules of Life".
The best known of the monastic rules was written by St. Benedict (A.D.480-547) and has shaped Western monasticism for the last 1500 years.
Its goal is to regulate our lives in such a way that we truly prefer the love of Christ above all things.

Getting Started--The Big Picture
Our goal is: union with God in Christ, transformation into His image, and the freeing of our hearts from anything that stands in the way of Christ living in and through us.
We are all uniquely wired and gifted and how we get to that goal will vary depending on our personality, season of life, geographic location and calling from God.
So there can be a number of variations for a Rule of Life.

Here is a suggested list of 12 elements to consider:

PRAYER
1. Scripture
2. Silence and Solitude
3. Daily Office (Prayer)
4. Study

REST
5. Sabbath
6. Simplicity
7. Play and Recreation

WORK / ACTIVITY
8. Service and Mission
9. Care for the Physical Body

RELATIONSHIPS
10. Emotional Health
11. Family
12. Community (Companions for the Journey)

You have to be self-aware to learn how to formulate your own Rule of Life. For example, what kinds of spiritual practices bring you closer to God? What drives you away from Him? How can you discern the right combination for your particular Rule of Life?
It will be a work-in-progress, changing as your life changes and as you examine yourself.
[An example under Prayer:
- Pray the Jesus prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner") several times each day.
- Take 15 mins. for silence at lunch 3 times a week.
- Practice the Ignatian prayer of examen 3 nights a week before going to bed.
- Fast for 1 meal every Wednesday during Lent.]
If possible find someone to walk alongside you and don't be hard on yourself.

THE ELEMENTS OF A RULE OF LIFE
Scripture
God speaks to us in and through His Word. The key is to read slowly, chewing over the words and allowing them to feed and transform you. Prayerfully memorize small portions each week.

Silence and Solitude
(Ps.37:7) "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." A challenging and least practiced discipline for us. Dallas Willard says, "Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life. It reminds us of death, which will cut us off from this world and leave only us and God."

Daily Office
Need for structure, variety and spontaneity in how you approach this. Scazzero uses Phyllis Tickle's Divine Hours  to provide a skeletal structure to his prayer times and uses the Common Book of Prayer lectionary for reading through the Psalms daily. He also likes having a devotional classic as part of his morning Office.

Study
Growing maturing Christians are always exploring, reading, and learning. Study can take on different formats: inductive Bible-study; workshops; mature teachers etc. Consider studying for the purpose of formation in Christ. Pray back to God what you are learning.

Sabbath
Develop a rhythm for setting apart a 24-hour period weekly for replenishment. Trust God to run the universe without you. Plan in advance how you will balance the 4 elements of Biblical sabbaths--stopping, resting, delighting, and contemplating--during that time.

Simplicity
(1Corinthians 7:32 MSG) "Live as free of complications as possible [so] you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master". The primary issue here is to remove distractions and remain free from attachments. This may include not enrolling your children in 3 sports while learning violin. Or letting go of that perfectly cleaned house and elaborate meals. Or giving up cable for a DVD player.
Tithing also helps us keep detached from the power of money.

Play and Recreation
Engage in activities that are pure and healthy and that breathe life into you. Many Christians are 'fun-deficient'.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 there is: "a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

Service and Mission
In what way is God inviting me to serve Him at this stage of my journey? How can I embrace my God-given limits and not go beyond what He is asking me to do?
There are numerous volunteer opportunities in our churches and communities. We can also get involved in bridging racial and economic barriers; working for justice; world mission.

Care for the Physical Body
This is also an act of worship. Are you exercising? Eating a balanced diet? Getting adequate rest? Scripture says sleep is a gift of God. (Psalm 127:2) Getting an annual physical?
Are you listening to your body? For example, a headache, stomach knot, insomnia and exhaustion may be God calling you to slow down or change directions.

Emotional Health
This may be as simple as paying attention to your feelings and journalling them to God a couple of times a week, asking God how He might be speaking to you through them?

Family
Applies to both married and single people.
For example, what can I do this year to grow in parenting my children? It is very easy to fall into passive patterns. Or how can I relate better with my parents and siblings?

Community (Companions for the Journey)
What kind of companions do I need for this stage of my journey? Ask God for direction. Could be an older mature Christian. A spiritual director.

Rethink your Rule of Life frequently. Begin slowly working on only one or two elements at a time. It is a trial and error process. St. Benedict wrote: "Your way of acting should be different from the world's way. The love of Christ must come before all else."

BROADER APPLICATIONS OF A "RULE OF LIFE"
Here are 3 other applications to consider as we enter the 21C:
The Local Church
Every Church has a "Rule of Life". The problem is that it is usually unconscious. The challenge is to identify and authenticate it with clarity to provide boundaries for the church community. This might include:
-history and particular gifts of the local church (mission statement);
-worship;
-equipping;
-small groups and community;
-authority;
-Lord's Supper and baptism;
-hospitality;
-new members;
-the poor and marginalized;
-serving the larger community;
-emotional health;
-world missions.

And then within the broad Rule of community, invite each member to continually work on the specifics of their personal Rule of Life.

A Small Group or Task Group
A small group may commit together to certain practices and habits to follow Christ.

The Family
This could release great energy and focus as a family to apply the development of a Rule of Life.

LIVE FAITHFULLY THE LIFE GOD HAS GIVEN YOU

 

God has a different path for each of us. Live yours.

Carlo Caretto, a member of the Little Brothers of Jesus community, was asked by his friend Paul's mom, "I have made him an engineer....why can't he work as an intellectual in the church?" Paul had chosen the life of Little Brother in North Africa leaving behind a lucrative career as an engineer. It forced Caretto to ask himself, "What is my place in the great evangelizing work of the Church?"
He came to this conclusion: "It is love that justifies our actions and initiates all we do. If out of love Brother Paul has chosen to die on a desert road, then he is justified. If out of love...others build schools and hospitals, they are justified. If out of love...scholars spend their lives among books, they are justified...The Lord asked me to be a poor man among the poor, a worker among the workers... I can only say, "Live love, let love invade you. It will never fail to teach you what you must do."

May God give you the courage to faithfully live your unique life in Christ. And may love invade you.

Prayer:
Lord, after reading this chapter, I just need to be with You--for a long time. I know that at other times I have rushed and cut You short, but I can see there are a lot of things in me that need to change. Let this time be different, Lord. Show me what one small step I can take to begin to build a life around You. Help me pay attention to Your Voice. By faith, I obey, trusting that even small changes will grow into powerful winds of the Holy Spirit blowing through and overtaking all of the areas of my life. Thank You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

#9 (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by P. Scazzero) : Growing up emotionally to love well

**Working through Peter Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Please note that most thoughts and words belong to him and just written to reinforce my learning.**

Ch. 9: Grow Into An Emotionally Mature Adult

~Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov~ "Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams."

 

Loving well is the goal of the Christian life. It requires growing into emotional adulthood in Christ. It means learning to apply practically and effectively the truths we believe. For example:

• How can I be quick to hear and slow to speak?
• How can be angry and not sin?
• How can I watch my heart above all else (since that is the place from which life flows)?
• How can I speak the truth in love?
• How can I be a true peacemaker?
• How can I mourn?
• How can I not bear false witness against my neighbour?
• How can get rid of all bitterness, rage, and envy?

If we cannot walk out our beliefs, then how is the church any different from the world around us?

 

Jesus chose a most unlikely crew to be his 12 disciples with whom He lived night and day for 3 years. He modeled His teachings. He had them practice. He supervised. He imparted power.

Like His disciples, we need to grow from emotional infancy to emotional adulthood.

The following summarizes the stages of emotional growth:

 

EMOTIONAL INFANTS:

• Look for others to take care of them.
• Have great difficulty entering into the world of others.
• Are driven by need for instant gratification.
• Use others as objects to meet their needs.

EMOTIONAL CHILDREN:

• Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want.
• Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials.
• Interpret disagreements as personal offenses.
• Are easily hurt.
• Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, become sarcastic when they don't get their way.
• Have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way.

EMOTIONAL ADOLESCENTS:

• Tend to often be defensive.
• Are threatened and alarmed by criticism.
• Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return.
• Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a third party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely.
• Become preoccupied with themselves.
• Have great difficulty truly listening to another person's pain, disappointments, or needs.
• Are critical and judgemental.

EMOTIONAL ADULTS:

• Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer---clearly, directly, honestly.
• Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings.
• Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial.
• Respect others without having to change them.
• Give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect.
• Appreciate people for who they are--the good, bad, and ugly--not for what they give back.
• Accurately assess their own limits, strengths, and weaknessess and are able to freely discuss them with others.
• Are deeply in tune with their own emotional world and able to enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves.
• Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others.

Loving well is the essence of true spirituality.

Your inner life with God is reflected in your outer life with people. Just as Jesus was prayerfully present with all He met, we are also called to be. Jesus left people feeling loved. Jean Vanier wrote, "Love is to reveal the beauty of another person to themselves."

How do you leave people feeling? Loved, beautiful? or Ugly and condemned? Look at the Pharisees, diligent, zealous and doing all required by the Law. But they never delighted in people.

Jesus refused to separate the practice of the presence of God from the practice of the presence of people.

He summarized the entire Bible for us:

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.'

 

 Our Problem:

We can't help but experience life with me at the center of my universe. We want others to be what we want them to be. We also treat God like this.

To grow spiritually we must discover and accept the 'otherness' of others as unique and separate.

 

I--It  vs. I--Thou Relationships

The great Jewish theologian, Martin Buber, wrote a book called I and Thou in which he described a healthy and mature relationship between 2 human beings as an "I--Thou" relationship. In such a relationship I recognize that I am made in the image of God and so is everyone else. This makes them a "Thou" in relation to me. Because of this, everyone is deserving of respect---that is, I treat them with dignity and respect, not someone to dehumanize or objectify, someone having a unique and separate existence apart from me.

 

Sadly most of our relationships fall into the "I--It" category. We get frustrated when people don't fit into our plans. The way I see things is "right." And if you don't see it as I do, you are not seeing things the "right" way. You are wrong.

 

The central tenet of Buber's work was that the I-Thou relationship between persons intimately reflects the I-Thou relationship humans have with God. Genuine relationship with any Thou shows traces of the "eternal Thou."

 

Emotional Maturity and Conflict

How we resolve conflict reveals our emotional maturity.

At the heart of true peacemaking is acknowledgement, once again, that we are human beings made in the image of God. Likeness to our Creator puts us on paths that desire to live in the truth and not in pretense, even when that means a conflict may result.

One of the most misinterpreted verses in the Bible is Matthew 5:9, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God."  Most people see this as being called to be pacifiers and appeasers who ensure that noone gets upset. We are to keep the peace, ignoring difficult issues and problems, making sure things remain stable and serene.

When out of fear, we avoid conflict and appease people, we are false peacemakers.

But the way of true peace will never come through pretending what is wrong is right!

True peacemakers love God, others, and themselves enough to disrupt false peace. Jesus models this for us.

 

Embracing Conflict--The Path to True Peace

Jesus taught that true peacemaking disrupts false peace even in families: "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn 'a man against his father, a daughter against her mother...--a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'" (Matthew 10:34-36)

Why? You can't have true peace with lies and pretense.

They must be exposed to the light and replaced with truth.

 

Jesus speaks about the characteristics we need to display to engage in true peacemaking in the Beattitudes: poverty of spirit; meekness; purity of heart; mercy...etc... (Matthew 5:3-11) He also let us know that persecution will follow for those of us who follow Him on this.

One of the greatest tensions in our lives today is unresolved conflicts. We prefer to ignore difficult issues hoping they will go away. They don't.

God's kingdom cannot be built on lies.

Only truth will do.

 

Learning the Skills to Be True Peacemakers

We underestimate the depth of our bad habits and what is needed to sustain long-term, Christ-like change in our relationships.

Here are a few tools and exercises we use to practice mature behaviours:

Speaking and Listening

Speaking and listening is the essence of having an I-Thou relationship with another person.

Use the following structure as a spiritual practice of meeting God through your time with another person.

Ask God to help you be prayerfully present.

Ask Him to help you receive this person as if they were Jesus.

How might Jesus want to come to you through this person?

Ask God to clear the noise from your mind so you can be still enough to enter the speaker's world.

 

As The Speaker

• Talk about your own thoughts, your own feelings (speak in the "I".
• Be brief. Use short sentences or phrases.
• Correct the other person if you believe he or she has missed something.
• Continue speaking until you feel you've been understood.
• When you don't have anything else to say, say, "That's all for now."

As The Listener

• Put your own agenda on hold. Be quiet and still as you would before God.
• Allow the other person to speak until he or she completes a thought.
• Reflect accurately the other person's words back to him or her. You have 2 options: paraphrase in a way the other person agrees is accurate or use his or her own words.
• When it appears the speaker is done, ask, "Is there more?"

Validate their thoughts with "That makes sense...I can see that because..."

 

The Bill Of Rights

Respect is not a feeling. It is how we treat another person. Regardless of how we might feel about another human being, they are made in God's image and of infinite value and worth. The following Bill of Rights (Pat Innis, The Third Option: Ministry to Hurting Marriages, Topic #1, "Respect,"1-17) with examples from Peter's life:

 

Respect means I give myself and others the right to:

• Space and privacy (e.g. knocking on doors before entering, not opening another's mail, respecting each other's needs for quiet and space);
• Be different (e.g allowing preferences for food, movies, volume of music, and how we spend our time);
• Disagree (e.g. making room for each person to think and see life differently);
• Be heard (e.g. listening to each other's desires, opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc.);
• Be taken seriously (e.g. listening and being present to one another);
• Be given the benefit of the doubt (e.g. checking out assumptions rather than judging one another when misunderstandings arise);
• Be told the truth (e.g. counting on the truth when asking each other for information--from "Did you study for the test that you failed?" to "Why were you late coming home?");
• Be consulted (e.g. checking and asking when decisions will affect others);
• Be imperfect and make mistakes (e.g. leaving "room" for breaking things, forgetting things, letting each other down unintentionally, failing tests when we have studied, etc.);
• Courteous and honorable treatment (e.g. using words that don't hurt, asking before using, consulting when appropriate, treating each other as I-Thou's); and
• Be respected (e.g. taking one another's feelings into account)

 

Checking Out Assumptions

The 9th commandment reads: "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbour". (Exodus 20:16).

Everytime I make an assumption about someone who has hurt or disappointed me without confirming it, I believe a lie about this person in my head. This assumption is a misrepresentation of reality. Because I have not checked it out with the other person, it is very possible I am believing something untrue. It is also likely I will pass that false assumption around to others.

The Bible has much to say about not taking on the role of judge to others (Matthew 7;1-5).

Here are some steps in using this tool:

• Reflect on something you suspect the other person thinks or feels but hasn't told you.
• Ask: "Do I have your permission to check out an assumption I am making?" (If he or she grants it, then  you can proceed.)
• Say: "I think you think..." or "I assume you are thinking..." When you are finished, ask them: "Is this correct?"
• Give the other person an opportunity to respond.

Expectations

Unclear and unmet expectations create havoc in our lives.

For example:

• Of course you're coming to the family event. We're important to you, aren't we?
• I'm the only one caring for my aging parents. My siblings expect me to do everything.

We expect others to know what we want before we say it.

The problem is that most expectations are:

• unconscious--we have expectations we're not aware of until someone disappoints us;
• unrealistic--we may have illusions about others e.g. a pastor or friend being available at all times to meet our needs.
• unspoken--we may not tell someone what we expect yet be angry when our expectations are not met;
• un-agreed upon--we may have had our own thoughts but never agreed with the other person's.

For expectations to be established, they must be:

• conscious
• realistic
• spoken
• agreed upon

Allergies and Triggers

An emotional allergy is an intense reaction to something in the present that reminds us, consciously or not, of an event from our history. We end up treating the person with whom we are in a relationship now as if they were someone from our past.

e.g. Theresa sees her husband watching TV instead of parenting the children with her and she gets very angry. She attacks and belittles him because he unconsciously reminds her of her father who left home when she was 7 years old, leaving her and her mom to fend for themselves.

Step back and look for abnormal reactions in different situations and begin to respond as an emotional adult.

 

Prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me. I am aware, Lord, of how often I treat people as Its, as objects, instead of looking at them with the eyes and heart of Christ. Lord, I have unhealthy ways of relating that are deeply imbedded in me. Please change me. Make me a vessel to spread mature, steady, reliable love so that people with whom I come in contact sense Your tenderness and kindness. Deliver me from false peacemaking that is driven by fear. Lord Jesus, help me love well like You. Grow me, I pray, into an emotionally mature adult through the Holy Spirit's power.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

 



Born this way but shown The Way...

John 8:34-36 (The Message)

^34-36 Jesus said, “I tell you most solemnly that anyone who chooses a life of sin is trapped in a dead-end life and is, in fact, a slave. A slave is a transient, who can’t come and go at will. The Son, though, has an established position, the run of the house. So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through.

 

There is now a new trend in our culture reflected in Lady Gaga's song:"...there ain't no other way, I was born this way..."
I was born a sinner according to Scripture, with a natural propensity to rebel against God's plan for my life.
Does that mean 'there ain't no other way?"

If I choose to embrace my 'sinner-heritage', because I was born this way, life would actually be quite simple for me. Just go with the flow. Do what I 'feel' like.
Think about it for a minute with me.

What if we all just went along with what 'feels so right' at the moment?
Do you cringe at some of the poor judgement you exercised at certain times of your life?
But it felt right at that time, didn't it? But looking back now, you know it was 'foolish'.
People kill, maim, wound, abuse others, because they went with the flow of their emotions, their current thought processes.
It almost seems that Lady Gaga is saying that anything goes, no boundaries exists, and that's what it means to be free.
But is it?
Or is it licentiousness, which according to the dictionary is:
li·cen·tious
1. sexually unrestrained; lascivious; libertine; lewd.
2. unrestrained by law or general morality; lawless; immoral.
3. going beyond customary or proper bounds or limits; disregarding rules.
(I found this really interesting blog post about this, here.)

The Bible says that choosing to stay in your sinful state, to disregard the moral law of God, leads you to a place where sin is full-blown: hell.
R.C. Sproul talks about hell in this article and says:

"...Almost all the biblical teaching about hell comes from the lips of Jesus. It is this doctrine, perhaps more than any other, that strains even the Christian’s loyalty to the teaching of Christ. Modern Christians have pushed the limits of minimizing hell in an effort to sidestep or soften Jesus’ own teaching. The Bible describes hell as a place of outer darkness, a lake of fire, a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth, a place of eternal separation from the blessings of God, a prison, a place of torment where the worm doesn’t turn or die. These graphic images of eternal punishment provoke the question, should we take these descriptions literally or are they merely symbols?...

...Hell, then, is an eternity before the righteous, ever-burning wrath of God, a suffering torment from which there is no escape and no relief. Understanding this is crucial to our drive to appreciate the work of Christ and to preach His gospel.

Summary

The suffering of hell is beyond any experience of misery found in this world.

1. Hell is clearly included in the teaching of Jesus.
2. If the biblical descriptions of hell are symbols, then the reality will be worse than the symbols.
3. Hell is the presence of God in His wrath and judgment.
4. There is no cruelty in hell. Hell will be a place of perfect justice.
5. Hell is eternal. There is no escape through either repentance or annihilation.

Biblical passages for reflection: Matthew 8:11-12, Mark 9:42-48, Luke 16:19-31, Jude 1:3-13, Revelation 20:11-15...."

 

But God loved us so much, He provided a Way for us to be delivered from the inevitable end of going our own way.

John 3:16 (AMP)

¹⁶ For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.

 

And to top it off, we don't have to 'do' anything to claim this deliverance, He provided The Way, through His Son as seen in this animation:

 

All we need to do, is say "no" to our natural sin-self, turn away from it, and say "yes" to the salvation offered to us and invite Jesus, in whom the very nature of God rests, to invade our hearts and give to us a new freedom, to bloom and flourish in true freedom within God's moral boundaries.
(Listen to Piper talk about freedom in Christ here.)

But really, if you have ever read C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters, you know there is an intelligent being working full-time with great passion to deceiving the minds and hearts of the apple of God's eye, His most treasured creation: us, you and me.
What motivates him?
Pure hate.
And he, Satan, as the Bible calls him, coats the the way to destruction as desirable to us and it caters to our sin-self, the self that wants to rebel, be independent of God's laws.
Just read the story of Adam and Eve:

Genesis 3:1-6: “Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, ‘Has God indeed said, “You shall not eat of every tree of the garden”?’ And the woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, “You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.”’ Then the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’ So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.”

 

But, even though we know that, we still tend to be deceived because we do not arm ourselves with the truth of God's Word, our only defense against the lies of Satan.

 

Our college students are always in the height of battle even though they are mostly unaware. There is an insidious undermining of all spiritual values at a time where many are beginning to think on their own, away from their parents. There is a subtle teaching that their Biblical upbringing was holding them back from being who they really are, a subtle mocking of Bibilical values that lends itself to being ashamed and embarassed, a subtle leading to creating a self-righteousness that allows everyone to be what they feel they should be, to political correctness.

Listen to Ravi Zacharias as he talks about what our students face in university here.

 

So, if you have children in college, pray for them, their minds, pray that the truth of the Word they grew up with will become alive in Living Truth in their minds.

If your children are still at home, ensure you fill their minds with the Truth of God's Word, so that in the future they will live "...

Psalm 119:9(AMP)

⁹ How shall a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed and keeping watch [on himself] according to Your word [conforming his life to it].

Psalm 119:104-106(AMP)

¹⁰⁴ Through Your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.¹⁰⁵ Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

 

Sing with me Jesus, Hope of the Nations by Brian Doerksen:

#8 (Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by P. Scazzero): Stopping to Breathe the Air of Eternity

[**Notes from Peter Scazzero's Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Please note most words belong to him as I work through Ch.8.]

Ch.8: Discover The Rhythms of the Daily Office and Sabbath

Stopping to Breathe the Air of Eternity
Parker Palmer in his book A Hidden Wholeness related a story about farmers in the Midwest who prepared for blizzards by tying a rope from the back door of their house out to the barn as a guide to ensure they could return safely home when visibility was nil in the blowing snow. 
Our lives have a tendency to become an ongoing blizzard, full of demands from work and family. We are over-scheduled, hurried, frantic, preoccupied, fatigued and starved for time. We admire people who are able to accomplish so much in so little time.
Add to this the storms and trials of life that blow in unexpectedly and catch us off guard.
No wonder we get disoriented and confused.
We need a rope to lead us home. A place that is centered and rooted.
This rope can be found in 2 ancient disciplines going back thousands of years: the Daily Office and Sabbath.
These 2 disciplines are like anchors for living in the hurricane of demands of our lives.

At the heart of these 2 disciplines is stopping to surrender to God in trust.
The essence of being in God's image is our ability, like God, to stop. We imitate God by stopping our work and resting. If we can stop for one day a week, or for mini-Sabbaths each day (the Daily Office), we touch something deep within us as image bearers of God. Our human brain, our bodies, our spirits, and our emotions become wired by God for rhythm of work and rest in Him.

The Daily Office

 

This is not to be confused with what we label as quiet time or devotions.
It is not so much a turning to God to get something but to be with God.
Setting aside times just to be with Him. David set times of prayer 7 times a day. (Psalm 119:164). Daniel prayed 3 times a day (Daniel 6:10). St. Benedict structured prayer times around 8 Daily Offices.
The great power in setting apart small units of time for morning, midday, and evening prayer infuses into the rest of my day's activities a deep sense of the sacred, of God.
The Daily Office, practiced consistently, actually eliminates any division of the sacred and the secular in our lives.

The Central Elements of the Daily Office:
1. Stopping
Be unhurried to let what we read or pray sink deeply into our spirits.
Give up control and trust God to run His world without me.
2. Centering
"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."(Psalm 37:7)
Let go of tensions. Follow James Finley's guidelines:
-be attentive and open
-Sit still
-Sit straight
-Breathe slowly, deeply and naturally
-Close your eyes or lower them to the ground.
If your mind wanders:..as you breathe in, ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit. As you breathe out, exhale all that is sinful, false, and not of Him.
3. Silence
Dallas Willard has called silence and solitude the 2 most radical disciplines of the Christian life. Solitude is the practice of being absent from people and things to attend to God. Silence is the practice of quieting every inner and outer voice to attend to God. Henri Nouwen said that "without solitude it is almost impossible to live a spiritual life."
Our culture fills our lives with noise so that we become uncomfortable with silence.
But when God speaks in a whisper, we need to be silent to hear Him.
4. Scripture
The Psalms are the foundation of almost any Daily Office book. Use the Lord's Prayer.
Meditate on Scripture.
Let God be your Guide.

Remember the purpose of the Daily Office is to remember God and commune with Him throughout the day.

2nd Ancient Treasure: Sabbath-Keeping

 

The word Sabbath comes from the Hebrew word that means "to cease, to stop working."

It provides for us an additional rhythm for an entire reorientation of our lives around the living God. Setting aside a day to rest and delight in God is not an optional extra, it is a command from God.

The 4th commandment is the longest:

“Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. ⁹ Six days you shall labor and do all your work, ¹⁰ but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. ¹¹ For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

(Exodus 20:8)

God worked. God rested. We are to work. We are to rest.

 As one theologian stated, "To fail to see the value of simply being with God and doing nothing is to miss the heart of Christianity.

 

Observing the Sabbath, we affirm: "God is the center and source of our lives. He is the beginning, the middle, and the end of our existence." We trust God to provide and care for us.

 

The 4 Principles of Biblical Sabbath:

Develop a biblical framework for Sabbath that fits your particular life situation, temperament, calling and personality.

1. Stop:

Most of us can't stop until we are finished with whatever it is we think we need to do. Always one more goal to be reached before stopping.

We stop on Sabbaths because God is on the throne, assuring us the world will not fall apart if we cease our activities. It reminds us to "be still, and know that [He is] God (Psalm 46:10).

The core spiritual issue revolves around trust.

We can trust Him enough to stop.

2. Rest

Once you stop, you need to rest from all that you're addicted to like work, technology...

How do you rest?

By doing whatever delights and replenishes you: napping; walking; reading a good book; watching a good movie; going out for dinner..etc...

When we stop and rest, we respect our humanity and the image of God in us. We are not nonstop human beings. Sadly, it often takes a physical illness such as cancer, a heart attack, the flu, or a severe depression to get us to rest.

3. Delight

We live in a delight-deficient culture. Pleasure and delight have been distorted.

We are to delight in creation. we are to slow down and pay attention: to the tree, its leaves; to our food, the smell, the taste; our children, their eyes, their forms.

We are invited to healthy play. Creation and life are, in a sense, God's gift of a playground to us. Could be sports, dance, games, photos. Something that nurtures our sense of pure fun in God.

4. Contemplate

Pondering the love of God remains the central focus of Sabbaths.

Worship; reading and study of Scripture; silence.

 

Sabbath  is like receiving the gift of a heavy snow day every week.

You have permission to play, nap, read, enjoy life.

God gives you this--every 7th day.

If you practice this, you will soon find your other 6 days becoming infused with those same qualities. God's plan.

 

The Principle of Longer Sabbaticals

God built into the lives of the Israelites, their national economic and political life Sabbatical years: they were to give the land a "sabbath of rest" one year in every seven. (Leviticus25:1-7)

Ponder your life. Take replenishment leaves--longer Sabbatical times--to refertilize the soil of your spiritual life.

 

We do violence to ourselves in not gripping this rope in the blizzard of life.

Thomas Merton wrote:

 "There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence... activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence...It kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful."

 

Prayer:

Lord, help me to grab hold of you as my rope in the blizzard today. I need You. The idea of stopping to be with You one, two, or three times a day seems overwhelming, but I know I need You. Show me the way. Teach me to be prayerfully attentive to You. This idea of Sabbath, Lord, will require a lot of change in the way I am living life. Lead me, Lord, in how to take the next step with this. Help me to trust You with all that will remain unfinished, to not try to run Your world for You. Set me free to begin reorienting my life around You and You alone.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.