Snakes and Ladders...

In recent times I have become rather tired of myself. Today I remembered a game I used to play as a child, Snakes and Ladders. I realize how the game seems to follow my journey of faith. When major crises have occurred, when I have felt stripped of my strength or ability to hold things together, I have had times of wonderful spiritual growth where I climbed the ladder to mountaintop experiences. Then life levelled off again and normal routines sent me plodding along without consulting Him because I was handling things, you see. What was or is apparent, though, was that I was not simply plodding along, I was sliding down the snake of complacency. Each moment unsurrendered to Him is a step away from Him and His beloved Presence. And He has been teaching me this for such a long time.
Why, my God, do You tarry
When I am so tired of me?
I will never leave you or forsake you.
Grace, undeserved kindness, a love that will not let me go,
It is so hard to accept at times,
but how I realize that it is exactly what I need.
I want to drink a deep draught of Your love this night.
Fill my thirst, O God.
I long to be steadfast walking with You even as Noah did.
It is scary that suffering is intertwined with steadfastness,
but then again, don't I know it by now?

The Holy Bible
(NIV Version) 1 Peter 5:10:
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

(The Message) Romans 8:31 -39
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Father, thank You that not even ME can get between Your love and me.

With a grateful heart...

I thank God for life...

The Conversation in my van yesterday after school: Life

10-yr-old son:..."ouch!..my abs hurt!.."
14-yr-old son: [looks at said 9-yr-old with a practiced mixture of derision and perplexity]..."how can your abs hurt? You don't have any!"
10-yr-old son:..."oh, yeah!?!... and you're...you're thin! [lame comeback obviously due to painful abs!]
14-yr-old son: ..."Ab-less! Ab-less!"
10-yr-old-son:...[chuckle, chuckle]..oh yeah!....
14-yr-old son:..."Ab-less!"

Later that night picking up 14-yr-old from youth group: Encounter with death

14-yr-old-son:..."Mom, in case you're wondering what it's all about tonight [I found the youth huddled in circles, with red eyes, some hugging]... Ben's Dad died of a heart attack last night..."
10-yr-old-son: [Silence]
14-yr-old-son: [Silence]

Email yesterday from our church office:
-announcements of 4 deaths, 4 fathers, 4 husbands....

Father, give me a grateful heart for life around me, life in me. May I treasure each moment as a gift from You. Cover all those who are grieving this day and provide for all they need spiritually, emotionally and physically and financially. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Who is in control?

(NIV) Bible reading:

Matthew 7:11 – If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Psalm 103:17-18 – The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting in those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children. To such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them.

Why do we mothers do that? That what? Well, wasting our limited energy being anxious about our children and then trying so very hard to control their activities to the 'safe' kind.

Well, thank God for fathers, who embrace risk!
Oh my, that's my cue to go to another room and release my children to the only One Who is in control. Lysa reminded us of this today. She puts ideas down so wonderfully. [Just love it.]

She also reminded me yet again of something I wrote when my son decided to undertake a risky adventure:

When your son asks the dreaded question…

Scenario:
You’ve been waiting for your 9-year-old son after school for 10 minutes. He comes up to the car window, his big and beautiful brown eyes brimming over with anticipatory excitement, and asks the dreaded question: "Mom, can you wait 5 minutes more so I can go ice sliding with my friends?"
What to do:
Gulp hard and nod dubiously. Cautiously say, "O-ooo-K, just 5 minutes."
As he turns and runs with a whoop of delight vowing he will time it on his hi-tech watch, let your imagination run wild. See those razor sharp peaks on those ice cliffs waiting to pierce innocent puerile bodies. See the 2 biggest kids in his school cruelly plunging their enormous bodies into your son’s still softly moulding yet exquisite physique.

Immediately go into prayer warrior mode. Place a hedge of protection around every bone you can remember. If you are a mid-life Mom like me, a lot of those biological bone names have already disintegrated with some neurons. So concentrate on the femur and humerus, (no-no, that’s not the funny boneJ ). I think those are the big and important ones.

As your 4-year-old sings lustily in the backseat, "I may never march in the infatry, ride in the calorie, shoot the litilery..", silently finish, "Cuz I broke all my bones on the ice..".
Boldly chastise yourself for your utter folly in allowing your son to undertake such a risky venture, possibly jeopardizing a future military career. Let your prayers enter the "implore" and "have mercy" mode. Close your eyes and grip that steering wheel with daring power.

Open your eyes slowly to glimpse your son’s familiar form approaching the car. "Is he limping!?" Thank God profusely for that normal silly walking gait and sigh with a great sense of relief and amazement that your prayers have been so wonderfully answered. You may now breathe without that choking sensation.

As he gets closer, you notice red splotches on his face. In horror, kick yourself for forgetting to pray for his face! Who knew he would land on that beautiful face!
As he reaches the car, you realize that the red splotches are his rosy cheeks and he is beaming with delight and satisfaction. Emblazon that expression in your heart’s memory album. That moment will never return.

Let it sink in that you are the only one who is injured as your foot throbs (remember that kick?). Make a mental note to register for that anxiety disorder seminar at your church next week.

Ask ever so calmly, "So, had a good time?"
As he responds, "Oh, totally, Mom..they said that I was almost better than anyone else!" totally oblivious to your 5 minute reign of excruciating agony on his behalf. Respond, "I’m so glad, sweetie", because of course, you really are. Not only has your son mastered the science of balance in motion at supersonic speed, he has gained the respect and admiration of his peers.

Thank God for the gift of nurturing your son to independence and that you can release him to His care.
Repeat this exercise millions of times in the ensuing years.

From perfectionist to artist...

Recently I read a post by Lysa that spoke out how our circumstances can affect our identity. I immediately looked for an article I had written a while back which was a God-stop for me. (See below).
I have since then realized that while I may have had perfectionist tendencies, I am truly an artist at heart. I undertake each task as a work of art that requires my heart, that includes the role of being a mother, wife, homemaker etc. In these roles, there have been no complete manuals, and I have made so many spills and scratches on my artwork. But, I've since discovered that there is a unique life manual that requires interaction with its Author to be effective. Yes, along with the Bible, I now have the Master Artist working along side me. He waits, [for He is the consummate Gentleman] to be asked for His aid. So, when I mess up, I only have to look into His eyes, and mouth, "Help!"

Oh, you should see the marvellous touch-ups He has accomplished. The flaws suddenly become His touch, shining and bringing beauty where there should have been ugly scratches and blotches. Yes, He looks at you and me, and still pronounces, "It is good!"

A Perfectionist’s Quest
"And God saw all that He had made, and it was very good."
Genesis 1:31 (NIV)

I am one of those people who actually enjoys reading manuals or instruction booklets so I can know how to do something properly the first time. 

Yes, I am a perfectionist, and perfectly happy to be one, at least until now. 

I did two things in the last half of my life that has left this perfectionist floundering in a pool of endless ‘boo-boos’. 

I emigrated to a foreign country where I became a ‘visible minority’ member, and then I became a mother of young kids! 

No manual in existence could have prepared me for these experiences. 

Where formerly I was in control, totally prepared and almost flawless in performance, I now found myself in this alien culture of constant flaws, snubs and rejection, unpredictability, fatigue, unfinished projects, emotional roller coasters and uncontrolled outbursts. 

Even after living half of my life in my new country, I still avoid many situations where I’m uncertain of the accepted mode of behavior, robbing myself of that ‘fullness of life’ I could otherwise experience.

Then there is that myriad of unfinished projects - the whole house never completely cleaned in one sitting (by the time you get to the second room, the first one is back to the preschoolerized condition!) - interruptions galore; consistency and predictability thrown out of my vocabulary of life, and no sense of accomplishment for a job completed with 100% attention. 

Faced with my shortcomings ever before me, my sense of personal value took a rapid nosedive over several years. As a perfectionist, I longed to see that ‘perfect’ footprint left where I had just trod. 

Even with the encouragement and affirmation from friends and family, I knew I was not measuring up. 

Amazingly, God decided to minister to me in my most perfectly flawed state.

Do you remember when Eric Liddell said in the film "Chariots of Fire", "When I run, I feel His pleasure?" 

That was what these past few years have been for me, a quest to feel His pleasure, only I thought that it was a cry for personal value. 

It seems that what I had thought to be my greatest strengths suddenly developed enormous holes. 

As a perfectionist, all I was left with, was that pervading sense of imperfection, and the realization that I had placed my core value on specific attributes. 

Of what value was I? 

This was my cry to God. 

The head knowledge about who I was in Christ had never penetrated my core being.

Recently, God graciously brought back a very special moment that I had with Him a couple of years ago. 

Early one morning, standing on the beach of a lake facing a rocky mountain, I cried out to God to feel His presence once more. 

The calm, mysterious waters reminded me of my Creator, as my soul rapidly quieted to listen. 

All of my senses slowly heightened, and I could smell the aroma of wet earth, I could hear the soft swishing of the water at my feet, I could feel the soft morning breeze as it curled my hair about my face. 

I automatically raised my hands in unison with all of creation in worship. 

I closed my eyes as sudden warmth enveloped me, the warmth of a love I had not realized before. 

It lay before me, in the wonder and beauty of the creation that surrounded me, the love that it had taken to create such grandeur. 

I realized that He was telling me that I was part of that creation that He so lovingly formed when He pronounced, "It is good!" 

The nature surrounding me knew His pleasure in its polluted state. I knew His pleasure even in my flawed state! 

Have you ever felt God smile at you? Take my word for it, there’s no greater feeling!

Suddenly, an eternal value was indelibly placed, never again to be erased. 

The Father thought that I was worth it, before I was formed, and proved it with His own blood. 

There is no more striving to be done, although the renewing of my old thought patterns will probably be a life-long process thwarted at every turn by the father of lies.

However, the perfectionist’s quest ends.

Sita Henderson ©2001

Lenten Reflection #7 -final- Resurrection power!

Yes, He suffered, He died, and now He is risen! Resurrection power, this holy hour. I found this marvellous sermon by Doug Goins, here, in which there is a quote from Ray Stedman, The Body Life, which more than adequately explains the relevance of the power of His resurrection to our lives as Christians:

"We must understand that resurrection power is like no other power on earth. It is unique, and has no possible rival. For one thing, it is the kind of power that operates in the midst of death. It works when everything around it is dull, dead and barren. It works best in the midst of a cemetery, for that is where it was first demonstrated. When Jesus Christ was resurrected he came out from among the dead. Therefore, if you learn to live by resurrection power you can be alive and vital when everything and everyone around you is dead and lifeless.
Resurrection power is also irresistible. It cannot be thwarted or turned aside. It takes absolutely no account of any obstacles thrown in its path, except to use them for further opportunities to advance its cause. When Jesus came bursting from the grave, he paid not the slightest attention to the obstacles man had placed in his way. There was a large stone in front of his tomb; he passed through it. He himself was wrapped in yard after yard of linen cloth; he left the graveclothes undisturbed behind him. There were Roman guards in front of his tomb; he ignored them. He took not the slightest notice of the decrees of Caesar, or the orders of Pilate or the fulminations of the Jewish priests.
Furthermore, resurrection power makes no noise. Other kinds of power that we know usually make some kind of sound: they pound, pulsate, throb, hum, buzz, explode, or roar. But resurrection power is quite silent. Without any display or ostentation it quietly accomplishes its purpose though there is nothing audible or visible to mark it. When a Christian is living by resurrection power he does not advertise it or seek to dazzle others by its display. His effect upon others is quiet and unobserved at first, but soon there are evident changes that mark the inevitable effect of resurrection power at work: the return of life, vitality, excitement and joy to an individual or situation. "

If you have found yourself on my blog, and do not know Jesus, please know that it was not by accident. God led you here. If you go to this link and read the full sermon in its entirety, you will understand more. If you would like to contact me, please do so at the email provided by my guestbook icon.

Have a Blessed Easter,

One and all!

~Love, Sita~

Lenten Reflection #6: Grace expressed in forgiveness...

I recently finished reading an account of a mother whose daughter is missing and presumed murdered. This woman claims to have found hope in her faith and relates isolated incidents of encounters with God. Yet when I finished reading her story, I was left with a distasteful aroma of anger, bitterness, vendetta for revenge, and moral and cultural superiority. This woman has even engaged celebrities in her 'cause'. What I found bone-chilling was her account of premeditated malice towards one of the alleged suspects in his workplace. What was startling was the gracious manner in which the young man treated her in return. I am sorry, but she has missed it! She does not reveal the Jesus I know, the Jesus who has no favorites or hierarchy for sinful actions. She has become a prisoner to her anger.

I contrast this with Corrie Ten Boom in her book, The Hiding Place:
It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, a former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face.
He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.” He said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggles to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I prayed, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

This weekend as we celebrate what is unique, the sacrifice of the Perfect Lamb, for our sins, the forgiveness, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do...", let us release our anger, the need to bring punishment to those who have hurt us. Let us find freedom at the foot of the Cross as we obey Him, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.."

Prayer:

Father, thank You that because of Your Son and His life in me, Your grace, that I can forgive those who have hurt me and leave the consequences to You. Thank You that I can grasp that I am capable of the vilest of acts but for the grace of God. I thank You that You have no favourites among us, that all our sins are equally repulsive to You. Thank You that You do not treat us as we deserve. Thank You for the free gift of salvation by the sacrifice of Your Son. May I never forget the price paid for me to be reconciled to You and have access to the Holy of Holies. I humbly kneel and accept Your grace. In the Precious Name of Jesus, Amen.

Lenten Reflection #5: For Those Tears I Died...

From across the land - The Laments...The Agony

Lord, it hurts. Lord, I miss my teenage son, his rough and tumble ways, the mess he always left in his room. If only I could chide him again to clean up. If only I could hear him make fun of me again...I miss how he made me feel...so wanted...so needed..so valued...he gave me purpose...gumption...and indescribable joy...it hurts, Lord...will it ever stop...will life ever feel normal again...I feel so empty...hollow...numb...help me

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Did you say 'malignant'..Nooo!!! God, that can't be true!...excuse me, God, You just gave me these children..they are so young...GOD, excuse me, they NEED their Mommy...chemo, dizziness, nausea, no hair...so weak..so weak...oh sweetie, wish Mommy could play...God, PLEASE..no MORE!..please let me live...at least until they can take care of themselves...please, please...

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The size of the negative numbers on the screen loomed like Mt. Everest. Nothing today."Mom, I'm hungry...Mom, we don't have any more milk or eggs!...Mom, can I go to the concert with my friends?" NSF cheque, bills due, pitiful looks, dignity stripped...Lord, are You punishing me? Then, fine! But please, God, take care of my children. Don't let them suffer, please. Can You break this mountain of debt for us? I'm here, Lord, I'll do anything...I'm tired of my stomach being in knots..I want to smile from deep down again..please, Lord? Please, God, I am so tired..please..please...
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"Mommy, it hurts" ..she lays her precious child's head on her lap while gently saying, "Here, sweetie, it will be alright.." In her heart the anger rises, "God, ENOUGH! How long must this child suffer? How long can we go without sleep? How long? What do You want from me? Where is this God who heals, who loves the little children, where is He? I can't find Him! Oh, please God, give me a sign. Here I am...I am waiting..am so tired...am waiting

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Fibromyalgia?...a name for my constant pain, my debilitating fatigue...what was life like before this pain never ending? Is this my destiny, God..what You have ordained? My children went to the park...oh to play with them...oh my, just to be able to go to a church service and stay and worship with all my heart with other people..not just by myself..oh the loneliness of pain never ending...Lord, I want to serve, I want to sing, I want to ..I want to...I know You can heal me..I'm so tired..I'm not angry, Lord, just sad..I'll just lie down..I'm so sad...Speak to me....I'm so sad....

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The Response...The Gift...

"My child, for this reason I came..I cried too...the pain was unimaginable...

...For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin...

Hebrews 4:15

They took my deeds and looked at them through their sinful motivation...They said, "You're not our Messiah!.." "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"..."He has spoken blasphemy!"... Misunderstood...rejected... owhh...that pain..ohhhh...the thorns raked through flesh and muscle..it never ends....when will it end...ohhhh.... ..."they spit in His face and struck Him with their fists...""struck Him on head again and again.." Physically savaged ...they nailed Him to a Cross...

..they said they would never leave me..where is Peter..where is...I knew in my heart their limitation...how shallow their words.. "...Then all the disciples deserted Him and left..."I don't know the man..."I don't know the man..." I don't know the man..."
Betrayed...emotions ravaged.....it is so dark..so oppressive..the sins..the sins..the ugliness..the darkness...Father, where are You?..where are You?... ..."Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"..."My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"

Abandoned!
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The Surrender....

....Ok, Lord, I have tried...I can't go on...here I am...I surrender..to You..no choice..You're all I have left...

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"Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will..."
"For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21
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For Those Tears I Died

(click title to sing along)
by Marsha Stevens

You said you'd come and share all my sorrows
You said you'd be there for all my tomorrows
I came so close to sending you away
But just like you promised, you came there to stay.
I just had to pray.

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CHORUS
And Jesus said, "Come to the waters, stand by my side
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied.
I felt every teardrop, when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."
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Your goodness so great, I can't understand
And dear Lord I know that all this was planned
I know you're here now and always will be
Your love loosed my chains and in you I'm free
But, Jesus, why me?

Jesus, I give you my heart and my soul
I know that without God I'd never be whole
Savior, you opened all the right doors
And I thank you and praise you from earth's humble shores.
Take me, I'm yours.

Nemo's Lesson

I carefully try to limit Sabbath day activities to those that overtly teach us about God. So I was dismayed when I saw my sons, the younger one, then 6 years old and the older, then 11, watching the movie, Finding Nemo. I confronted them.
"OK, guys, how does this teach you about God?"

Not missing a beat, my baby quipped, "It shows us that God’s in control!"

Seeing my unconvinced expression, he quickly added..."Aaannd..it's about living water!"

Uh-huh. Taken aback, I turned to my older son.

"Well, Mom, it’s the story of the Prodigal Son. He did not listen to his parents and got into trouble and he learnt to obey his parents."

They got to watch the movie.

Four years later, I'm still saying, Uh-huh.. and they're still high-fiving each other.

Jenna is dancing...

All day long I have been walking around with a ball of pain in my chest after reading about Sumi in Lysa's post. I read two of Sumi's posts and the images kept flashing before me...a mother's arms bereft of her precious angel..that oh-so-precious scent...a father kissing the now cold cheeks and stroking the hair. My heart broke.

Then I went back to Sumi's site again and read much further and I felt like I had just attended the memorial service for an angel. When I wrote a comment for Sumi earlier that I prayed that God would give her a vision of Jenna dancing for Jesus, I did not realize that He had already done that for both Sumi and her husband. How awesome is that. And the incredible grace that has been bestowed befits the unimaginable grief of losing a child. Already, the redemptive purpose of pain is remarkably evident in the words of both Mom and Dad. There is no one who has not gone to that blog recently who has not left without His touch in a palpable sense. Indeed, this has come about for His renown, for I cannot help but be amazed how He had gone before them and prepared for their needs to the smallest detail. What a God we serve!

Wow, I stand amazed atYour glory, O Lord.

Remembering...A Winter Transformed

As another night looms with a light snowfall, this winter-weary woman looked back to a time when a winter was transformed and was reminded of God's loving sovereignty. Please allow me to share with you:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 [The Holy Bible - NIV Version]

A Winter Transformed
By Sita Henderson - 2003

Cold and Cheerless…

The bus driver announced, "This is as far as the bus can go, ladies and gentlemen.." and he opened the door to a mass of thick swirling snowflakes. I followed the other passengers, confused, fearful, and in awe as I looked at the huge mounds of snow stretching as far as the eye could see, cars stuck or slowly moving over the unplowed roads. As an international student from the Caribbean, the word ‘blizzard’ meant nothing to me and I did not listen to weather reports.

It slowly dawned on me that I was still miles from home and on foot. Terror filled me and adrenaline began to pump fiercely as I started the slow trudge uphill, following the other passengers. It seemed like moments before my toes felt frozen and my limbs felt like lead. I felt I could not go another step and the snow mound beckoned me to lie down. Hot tears came quickly as my heart cried, "Daddy, Daddy..if only you were here..I would never be in this position…God, please help me..I’m so tired..What am I doing in this cold, cold country?"

I realize as I look back at this experience, that Canada, at that time, had become the epitome of all that is cold and cheerless, the people and the climate. I was unprepared for the cold onslaughts of the winter season. I was even more unprepared for the alternating icy and lukewarm reception I received from Canadians I encountered. My heart seemed to be frozen in response to my environment. Soon after this experience, I graduated from college and returned home to my tropical island, vowing never to step foot in this cold country again.

Warm and Content…

Well, not counting the three winters I spent here as an international student, I have just spent my twenty-second Christmas and winter in Canada. God has clearly shown me that His ways and thoughts were not my ways and thoughts, and His plan for me was, and is, not to harm me, but to prosper me.

As I recall my most recent Christmas, the snow gently falling outside, I realize my aversion to the cold weather has not lessened, but God has given me a new perspective. My apartment is so warm and cozy not only with central heating, but also with the loving aura of my family, my husband and children. I have repented of painting a whole nation ‘black’, realizing that bigotry comes in all shades and is based on the darkness of ignorance.

God has allowed many people to touch my life with His healing grace and warmth, including Canadians and people from many nations. God’s children come clothed in many colors and cultures, revealing so many different parts of His nature. Canada is home to all of us.

There is a new sense of contentment as I rest on God’s loving sovereignty over my life, even in the dreaded winter. I can marvel at the beauty of a winter wonderland, breathtaking in its brilliant whiteness. Our Father has an incredible ‘eye’. I feel so privileged to live in such a wonderful country and even more honoured that God’s wonderful plan for me is unfolding, melting the icicles, and warming me with the knowledge that each of us is of inestimable value to Him.

And the loser is...

...Me! Sadly, that Comment button probably choked with all of you anxiously trying to rescue me from the jowls of that monster storm. Don't you worry about me, though, God decided to silence that monster and as I looked out this morning, calm and sunshine reigned, along with mountains of snow everywhere. For those of you still feeling regrets about not being able to enter, rest assured that if there is another storm, this contest will be re-posted in BOLD letters!

On another note, I have not heard of any of the participants in the Mission Fest yesterday being hurt in the storm, so as the post at Beth Moore's blog says, how about doing the dance thing to praise Him for what did not happen? He is worthy! This Sunday morning, let praise overflow, for Our God reigns! Amen!

~Be blessed, Love, Sita~

My deepest apologies..Comment malfunction....

Well, it has been fully an hour or more since I posted that contest and it seems that my Comment icon has malfunctioned--the hundreds of you who have tried have been unsuccessful--my deepest apologies..I will make note. My advice is just to keep on trying. Perhaps it was just the sheer volume of traffic--yep, that has to be it. So, again, can't wait to award this one. I assure you, it will be a first in blog history and your name will go down in blog history books! I sincerely wish you the best!

Love, Sita (-;

A Contest With A Twist...

As I very slowly drove back home today during the worst snowstorm thus far [I've lost count as to how many we have had this year], I had this lightbulb moment.

Yes, ladies, I have decided to sponsor a contest with a twist! And the twist is...I get to win a trip to a sunny, warm location, with a beach, preferably, all-inclusive obviously, and for a family of four! And, you, dear reader, get to enter this contest. I will pick the name by a random selection, as I don't want anyone to think I have any favourites here. No, I am completely neutral when it comes to someone else's funds. Make a comment about your enthusiasm to enter such a different contest and you will be entered! So, there you go. I shall increase my computer GB immediately in anticipation of the flood of entries. So, good luck to one and all! Oops, forgot we Christians do not believe in the luck of the draw, so rest assured of my personal blessing to you and yours.

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Oh my, we have just returned from Mission Fest, a huge annual missions conference with speakers like James Robison, Bill Wilson, Tony Campolo, to name a few. Despite the major snowstorm, the parking lot was full, probably because there were huge snow piles everywhere. Numerous booths representing various mission organizations, schools, camps, media were in attendance. And, I got to meet a fellow Trinidadian who was a speaker at the Youth session. How soothing it is to hear your 'home' accent. So cool. But I think he was in snow shock.

I was just thinking how many of them put themselves in jeopardy today, driving long distances to come and then tonight, plowing back. I looked at some of the faces at some of the booths. I saw weariness, and in some, loneliness. I simply smiled at one lady and her face lit up with a responding smile. I could see what motivation brought her to this conference, what undergirds her desire to serve God in places we would never dream of going. The love of Jesus shone through with brilliance. How blessed we are to be free to share our faith. How blessed we are to have so many resources available to us. So in the midst of despairing over this weather, I am overwhelmed with the blessings that I have been bestowed with, blessings many of my brothers and sisters in far off lands are literally dying for.

Father, thank You for what You have given to me, Show me what I can give back to You. Please send your ministering angels to guard all those travelling back home tonight in the storm. Keep them safe and give them a reassuring touch of Your love for them. Thank You, Lord. Amen.

Absolute trust...absolute serenity

Jeremiah 17:7-8

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

[NIV Version]

7 -8"But blessed is the man who trusts me, God, the woman who sticks with God. They're like trees replanted in Eden, putting down roots near the rivers— Never a worry through the hottest of summers, never dropping a leaf, Serene and calm through droughts, bearing fresh fruit every season

[The Message]

I had the hardest time today having my quiet time. Disturbing thoughts kept bombarding my mind. It was a fight all the way through. Truthfully, I did not come out completely at peace either, but these verses stood out for me. The Message used the metaphor of trees replanted in Eden to show the immutability of the person who truly trusts in God. Eden, the only place that perfection ever existed, perfect harmony with God, perfect harmony between the humans, Adam and Eve. Wow!

Have you ever stopped to think what a hole must have been left in their souls after having walked with God, communing with Him and each other in perfect harmony? That 'hole' is our legacy passed on through all generations, an empty darkness that searches everywhere to be filled and lit with hope. And yes, God saw and heard our groanings and He Himself sent His Son to reconcile us back into fellowship with Him. This Easter, may we be filled again with the Light and fullness of His Presence. Be blessed.

~Love, Sita~

Father, I know that it is a process in which we learn how to truly trust so that we remain serene and fruitful in all seasons. Please help me to be patient and thank You for Your patience with me as I slowly learn. I used to think I was a fast learner. Was I wrong! Most of all, thank You for wanting to be reconciled with us and displaying a grace that is unimaginable, a grace I struggled with today in my mind as I saw my sore lack. Praise You, O marvellous Saviour. In Your Precious Name, I pray, Amen.

Love so amazing...do you want it?

Tonight we had a Missions Dessert night at our church. I had not attended this for several years.

Go back ten years: My hubby and I were set to go out on missions. After years of financial sacrifice, he had graduated from seminary finally. That door closed suddenly, leaving us numb. In that one year, I had lost my job and my husband went on to lose 4 jobs in succession, we had nowhere to call home, I suffered a miscarriage, and worst of all, we were left questioning God's voice in our lives. In the years to follow, depression reigned as I stifled my pain to deal with just surviving with a new baby and chronic back pain. In the past, I could always have a getaway to quiet my heart and process my pain through Jesus. I now found myself with no money for a getaway and a tiny apartment where I felt claustrophobic. Worst of all, for an introvert and contemplative like myself, there was nowhere to be alone, to be silent-completely. I became disconnected from my heart and became a shell.

Well, God introduced me a couple of years ago to a woman named Beth Moore. Do you know her? Well, I did her Breaking Free study, then her Believing God, and recently her A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place. These studies allowed me to look inside myself and look into God's Word and heart and have been life-changing. [Thank you, Beth!.] God also used other 'safe' godly friendships to gently walk with me. Most recently, I was able to share with someone that ten-year-old pain I just spoke about and she said she would pray that God would once more ignite my heart for missions in our next missions conference. I just let that fall aside.

Ten years later, today: during the morning service, I had sudden flashes of a youth camp I attended as a child in Trinidad and Tobago, memories of being a camp counsellor, and a sudden yearning to be there. I do not know exactly what it was about, so I've asked God to show me. I believe that God is starting a heart reconnection with His purpose for me.

Then tonight at the dessert evening, a young couple converted from another faith spoke. She had been married at 14, he was 16. They had fallen in love and were happy, until his father pulled him aside and told him that he had to be a man and show his wife he had control. Soon she found herself being beaten, and waking up at 5:00 a.m. each morning to cook and wash and clean for the 15 people in the household. She became so distraught that she contemplated suicide but because she had 2 children by then, she could not. God even saved her when a stray bullet from fighting outside her home hit her. One night she cried out to God and had a dream of being led to a room where she encountered the Presence of God. When she told her religious aunt about it, she was told that she had to repent of such notions. She soon put that out of her mind. The god of the faith that was practiced around her allowed no notions of love and grace.

However, circumstances in their country led to them fleeing to another country where a 3-yr-old neighbour came to play with a gospel tract in his pocket. That tract led them to a church where the gospel was being preached and they encountered Jesus and embraced His love and mercy wholeheartedly. [Strangely enough, the husband had great reservations about attending the church because the preacher in his own religion taught that Christians practiced lifestyles like Madonna and Michael Jackson. ] That church was eventually closed down when it was discovered it was converting people to Christianity. This couple then started a home church and discipled over 65 people. When this man's family heard that he had become a Christian, he was beaten severely. Later, they got asylum in Canada and are still involved with their children in actively sharing their faith, even with risk to their own lives.

I sat looking at this couple, radiant and passionate. They experienced many more hardships than I can share now, but here they were, giving and giving, to a people who would kill them easily. The visiting speaker earlier in the day spoke about Stephen being stoned for his faith. When the average person is faced with injustice, we immediately are filled with rage and thoughts of revenge. What was it about Stephen that said I am willing to sacrifice my life so that that person can have relief from his sins? What is it about this couple willing to give their lives for their own people who want to kill them? What is it about Jesus that made Him stay on that Cross? What is it about God that made Him turn His back on His own Son laden with my sin?

It is love. For me. For you. Offered unconditionally. A free gift. You can't work for it. Just so you and God can be reconciled. Love so amazing. He wants you to take it. Will you?

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16 (NIV Version)

Father, thank You for the power of your Word, thank You for Your saving grace and the way You work in different cultures to reveal Yourself.
Father, help me to grieve for the same things that grieve Your Spirit. Break my heart with what breaks Yours.
Father, I offer myself to You as a living sacrifice. Cleanse me with Your blood spilled for me to pay for my sins. Fill my cup with the water of Life, Your Spirit and may I overflow to reveal You to hungry hearts.
Father, reveal to me the next step.
In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen.