Lenten Reflection #5: For Those Tears I Died...

From across the land - The Laments...The Agony

Lord, it hurts. Lord, I miss my teenage son, his rough and tumble ways, the mess he always left in his room. If only I could chide him again to clean up. If only I could hear him make fun of me again...I miss how he made me feel...so wanted...so needed..so valued...he gave me purpose...gumption...and indescribable joy...it hurts, Lord...will it ever stop...will life ever feel normal again...I feel so empty...hollow...numb...help me

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Did you say 'malignant'..Nooo!!! God, that can't be true!...excuse me, God, You just gave me these children..they are so young...GOD, excuse me, they NEED their Mommy...chemo, dizziness, nausea, no hair...so weak..so weak...oh sweetie, wish Mommy could play...God, PLEASE..no MORE!..please let me live...at least until they can take care of themselves...please, please...

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The size of the negative numbers on the screen loomed like Mt. Everest. Nothing today."Mom, I'm hungry...Mom, we don't have any more milk or eggs!...Mom, can I go to the concert with my friends?" NSF cheque, bills due, pitiful looks, dignity stripped...Lord, are You punishing me? Then, fine! But please, God, take care of my children. Don't let them suffer, please. Can You break this mountain of debt for us? I'm here, Lord, I'll do anything...I'm tired of my stomach being in knots..I want to smile from deep down again..please, Lord? Please, God, I am so tired..please..please...
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"Mommy, it hurts" ..she lays her precious child's head on her lap while gently saying, "Here, sweetie, it will be alright.." In her heart the anger rises, "God, ENOUGH! How long must this child suffer? How long can we go without sleep? How long? What do You want from me? Where is this God who heals, who loves the little children, where is He? I can't find Him! Oh, please God, give me a sign. Here I am...I am waiting..am so tired...am waiting

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Fibromyalgia?...a name for my constant pain, my debilitating fatigue...what was life like before this pain never ending? Is this my destiny, God..what You have ordained? My children went to the park...oh to play with them...oh my, just to be able to go to a church service and stay and worship with all my heart with other people..not just by myself..oh the loneliness of pain never ending...Lord, I want to serve, I want to sing, I want to ..I want to...I know You can heal me..I'm so tired..I'm not angry, Lord, just sad..I'll just lie down..I'm so sad...Speak to me....I'm so sad....

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The Response...The Gift...

"My child, for this reason I came..I cried too...the pain was unimaginable...

...For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin...

Hebrews 4:15

They took my deeds and looked at them through their sinful motivation...They said, "You're not our Messiah!.." "Crucify Him! Crucify Him!"..."He has spoken blasphemy!"... Misunderstood...rejected... owhh...that pain..ohhhh...the thorns raked through flesh and muscle..it never ends....when will it end...ohhhh.... ..."they spit in His face and struck Him with their fists...""struck Him on head again and again.." Physically savaged ...they nailed Him to a Cross...

..they said they would never leave me..where is Peter..where is...I knew in my heart their limitation...how shallow their words.. "...Then all the disciples deserted Him and left..."I don't know the man..."I don't know the man..." I don't know the man..."
Betrayed...emotions ravaged.....it is so dark..so oppressive..the sins..the sins..the ugliness..the darkness...Father, where are You?..where are You?... ..."Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"..."My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"

Abandoned!
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The Surrender....

....Ok, Lord, I have tried...I can't go on...here I am...I surrender..to You..no choice..You're all I have left...

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"Abba, Father, everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will..."
"For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21
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For Those Tears I Died

(click title to sing along)
by Marsha Stevens

You said you'd come and share all my sorrows
You said you'd be there for all my tomorrows
I came so close to sending you away
But just like you promised, you came there to stay.
I just had to pray.

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CHORUS
And Jesus said, "Come to the waters, stand by my side
I know you are thirsty, you won't be denied.
I felt every teardrop, when in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you that for those tears I died."
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Your goodness so great, I can't understand
And dear Lord I know that all this was planned
I know you're here now and always will be
Your love loosed my chains and in you I'm free
But, Jesus, why me?

Jesus, I give you my heart and my soul
I know that without God I'd never be whole
Savior, you opened all the right doors
And I thank you and praise you from earth's humble shores.
Take me, I'm yours.