Final reflections...2007

Well, the countdown is at hand, two more hours till the brand new year, 2008. Yet, will it truly be a new year for us?

I remember starting this blog with the vision of stepping out of the pigpen that I had been living in for years, because I had listened to the 'voices' that told me that was my station in life. Well, I did rebel finally and decided that God's voice was the ONLY voice that would give me freedom. That decision did come with a price. Because I stepped out of the pigpen with its stench still on me, the stench of despair, shame, and guilt. That stench still allowed the 'old voices' to batter me. Yet, as my friend, Natalie, wrote me recently, I am "hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perpelexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed (1Cor. 4:8, NIV version, The Holy Bible).

Yes, it has been an excruciatingly painful year in many ways. The pain of being stripped of masks, unbelief, disappointing people that I love dearly, yet who do not understand the journey that God has called me to. I remember vividly that God brought the memories of how "it used to be" for me. A life of freedom to love, give, learn, laugh, and just be what God made. I knew that little by little, in the ensuing years, I had become disconnected to my true spirit, and that God wanted me to again "be me". Amos 9:11 says, "In that day I will restore David's fallen tent. I will repair its broken places, restore its ruins, and build it as it used to be..."
I know that many can identify with me to having broken places, ruins, a fallen tent, and I also know that you have thought like me, "Does God really want to free me?" Then I read in Isaiah 30:18, "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him."

This year, that is what I have been doing..well..interspersed with moments of panic and retaking control when I could not see God's intervention...and I wish that I could tell you that I am walking in awesome victory right now, full of joy and buoyancy, fully involved in God's marvellous plan for me. Well, I am not there yet.

I have been in the pigpen for so long that my limbs hurt, my lungs are contaminated, the stench has not yet been washed off. But there are some clean streaks beginning to show. This year, God led me to the Beth Moore study, A Woman's heart, God's Dwelling Place and used this to draw me to His Word which clearly showed me that when His children follow His instructions, His glory falls on them. I have asked Him to reveal His clear instructions for me, because, I want God's glory to fall on me, to fill me, to overflow from me and spill on to my children, to spill on to my community, to spill into my writing. So, I take my directive right now from my scheduled "Bible-in-a-year" readings:
Psalm 119:25 -"I am laid low in the dust; renew my life according to your Word."
Psalm 119:28 -"My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your Word."
Psalm 119:37 -"Turn my eyes away from worthless things; renew my life according to Your Word."
and then, this really resonated in my spirit: Psalm 119:45 -"I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out Your precepts."
Further down in verses 97-104, I saw that the psalmist received insight from meditation, and understanding from obedience.
The following verses continue with the theme..can you spot it?
Vs. 105: Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Vs. 107: I have suffered much; renew my life, O Lord, according to Your Word.
Vs. 116: Sustain me according to Your promise; and I will live: do not let my hopes be dashed.
Vs. 117: Uphold me, and I will be delivered; I will always have regard for your decrees.

From the Psalms that speak clearly that I must seek His instructions in His Word to live fully and freely, my reading tonight went to Isaiah 58 which just is mind-blowing. It addresses "true fasting" where God clearly shows what matters to Him...
-..."to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke..to share your food with the hungry...not to turn away from your own flesh and blood....then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rearguard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here I AM...if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings..."

Father, thank You for Your faithfulness. I confess to many digressions over this year and You have not abandoned me. I confess to unbelief in Your love for me, in Your Word. I confess to unfaithfulness, disobedience and rebellion especially in times when You did not respond in the manner and time I wanted or desperately needed at times. But, this I choose. To humbly bow before Your throne, as I pour out my sinfulness, I receive Your grace and forgiveness so freely given. I choose to pursue You and ask that You resonate Your specific Word to me as I seek and study Your Word. Here I am. Take me, use me, fill me. You are my desire. In Jesus' wonderful and precious Name, Amen.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

Well, we just returned from our Christmas Eve service and had a wonderful time singing Christmas carols. How wonderful it is to remember the Reason for the season, the celebration of God Incarnate, His Son, Jesus Christ. We came home and sang Happy Birthday to our Lord and each of us gave Him a gift of a promise. My heart is warm. I would like to bless you with warmth of heart this Christmas, the Light of His Presence in your lives.

Father, thank You for going to so MUCH trouble to have a relationship with Your errant children once more. After doing that Beth Moore study, I am so much more aware of the intricacy of Your plan to draw us back into relationship. My question still is, "Why should You love us so?" Oh, but I'm glad, so glad You do. Thank You. In the most wonderful Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.

Invitation to faith...

Today, I was doing a review of one session of the Beth Moore study, A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, and I was reminded that whatever is inviting me to fear at the moment is God's invitation to faith. Do you do this? A circumstance that you have prayed so many times about comes up again. You feel 'bad' to come to God again, and so you go about your day...your week...without coming to God..waiting to feel 'good' again before coming back to God. Well, I pretty much felt this today and then Beth reminded me that I need to bring all my emotional stuff, my needs for today into the light of His Presence daily. He is the only One whose Truth can dispel the darkness, the confusion, the 'bad' feelings you can't define.

Even though it may sound like grumbling or whining (remember the Israelites), God is able to look beneath the 'sinful' response to the root. Could it be fear that God will not come through again that keeps me from coming to Him, that maybe I am not valuable enough to Him for Him to 'deliver' me? Or it could be pride that I have to take control here. I need to be self-sufficient instead of on my knees as the the worldly adage floods my mind, "God helps those who help themselves". That is so humiliating. Yet I have been learning that it is only when we learn how to receive that we learn the secret of humility.

Read with me from Lamentations 3:19-26 (The Holy Bible, NIV version)

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.

Pray with me in the light of God's truth:
Father, we thank You that because of Your great love, we are not consumed. We thank You that Your compassions never fail, that they are new every morning. Yet I confess that so many mornings I do not avail or come to get this daily 'manna' that my soul requires for the day's challenges. Please forgive me. You know my needs for today. Here, take them, because I cannot handle them. Because You are my portion, I will wait quietly for You. Fill me with the peace that passes all understanding as Your Spirit lets me grasp that my Hope is You alone. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A winter storm...and life in a pit...

Oh yes, people...a winter storm...not my cup of tea...about 25 cm. of snow expected...about 4 hours of shovelling for my hubby and son...and about 24 hours of "what on earth am I doing in this country?!" from me. Just came back from Christmas concert practice with my younger son. Guess when the concert is? Yep, you guessed it!..right after the storm is ending...tomorrow evening...OK...I have lots of praying and imploring to do about grace....but by the way...the rest of my family have healthier perspectives..did I forget to tell you that I was not altogether sane? OK, so you know now.

And what do you know, I've started to read Beth Moore's book, Get Out Of That Pit. That title caught my attention, because I got a similar message about 2 years ago, "Get out of that pig-pen!" I've decided to give you my highlights as I go along. Beth's thoughts are in bold, while my two-cents are not...As you read, consider, what pit are you in?

Chapter 1:
--(in reference to Paul's being content in all circumstances) are you supposed to be content in a pit? (NO WAY!!!)
--How do you know you're in a pit?
-----Isaiah 42:22-You feel stuck. You feel trapped. (Yup, been there, done that--actually feel that in some aspects.)
-----Psalm 69:2-You can't stand up. It is time to realize that Satan is systematically trying to destroy you and wants to make you feel helpless (unable to stand up and against) his attacks. (I can look back on my life and actually see a clear message or rather LIE Satan has used people to define me: you are irrelevant; what you do has no eternal value; you don't matter to God. The message comes in different forms, but goes to the core of my existence and belief about God. That is why God has been teaching me to distinguish Satan's lies from His Truth by listening to His voice alone. It is a lengthy lesson and I am an obtuse learner.)
-----You've lost vision. Pits are places of darkness. We become self-absorbed because we can't see beyond our pit. "Nearsightedness breeds hopelessness. We feel too buried in our present state to feel passionate about a promised future." (That statement really struck home because sadly it is a state that I am intimately familiar with. God is working on this presently.) In Ephesians 1:18, (Amplified version) Paul prays about "having the eyes of your heart flooded with light". This is my prayer for myself and for you too.

(The next chapter deals with being thrown by someone else into the pit. Next post.)

Pray with me:
Father, we need You to lift us up and out of the miry pit. We need Your Light and fresh breath of Truth to flood our hearts. We need Your help to withstand and aggressively stand up and against the attacks of Satan to keep us trapped. Please put our feet on the Rock and give us a firm place to stand. We need You, Father. We stretch our hands to You. Our help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Scripture:Psalm 40:1-3 (The Holy Bible, NIV version)

I waited patiently for the Lord;

He turned to me and heard my cry .

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and the mire;

He set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the Lord.

It shall be light...

It shall come to pass, that at evening time it shall be light. (Zechariah 14:7)

This was the verse in my Oswald Chambers' devotional today. How comforting it was to me as the blanket of snow covered the land and seemed to cloak my spirit as well. At this time of year, depression hits hard and the simplest tasks become monumental. However, I am seeing growth, as the lessons God has been teaching me are painstakingly applied in a sustaining manner. I wished all day for a friendly word of encouragement from a friend, but all was quiet, both the phone and email. I waited. He waited. Finally, I caught on. "Dear Lord, how faithful You are...and how obtuse I am. You have been teaching me that You are sufficient, You satisfy. Yet here I sit waiting for another. That is why I am amazed that You bother. Yet You do. Thank You."

Chambers concludes with these words: "This promise should assist our patience. The light may not fully come till our hopes are quite spent by waiting all day to no purpose. To the wicked the sun goes down while it is yet day: to the righteous the sun rises when it is almost night. May we not with patience wait for that heavenly light, which may be long in coming but is sure to prove itself well worth waiting for?"

Father, for those who are in the 'evening' process where it seems cloaked in darkness, please let Your Holy Spirit pierce through with the light of the Truth that it shall be light. Come soon and fill us with the joy of Your Presence. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Wintry snapshots...

SNAPSHOT#1-THE SHOVELLER

3 glorious days ago, we had our first big snowfall...on a Saturday night. Hence, on Sunday morning when my sons and I were getting things ready for church, my dear hubby who had woken up early and showered was outside shovelling our driveway...our very long driveway [ it was much shorter in the summer, weird!]...with a kid-size shovel. Every 10 minutes or so, I would part the curtains to wave to him with one hand, the other hand over my heart as I mouthed, "I'm so sorry, honey..." as I watched him conversing with himself or perhaps with the other 'flakes' around..hahaha..(I do kill myself). So that was Snapshot#1..how precious is that!

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SNAPSHOT#2 - THE FATHER-SON SKATING TEAM

..Well...a week before that, my 9-year-old son insisted on going ice skating...with his Dad (his brother was busy suffering from pneumonia). I watched as my hubby patiently looked for old skates buried in our move. I watched them get dressed. They went. They returned earlier than usual. My son said, "Dad so totally wiped out, Mom!". My hubby said, "Daniel fell over and I tripped trying not to run into him." Different perspectives. I am SO glad my hubby can take my boys out for these wonderful winter sports because the older I get, the more winter becomes a surreal event happening to others, thankfully. Snapshot#2.

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SNAPSHOT#3 - PERILOUS SIDEWALK WALKING

Snapshot#3--walking my younger son to school. It is just a short walk, but for me it has become an obstacle course as I spot 3 frozen flows of melted snow right in my path! What to do, jump..and miss..and slide on to my unpadded behind?---or---deftly and agilely hang on to the fence and walk on the pile of snow piled up (it's frozen solid)--I chose the second for two flows and jumped the other, much to the amusement of the crossing guard. I mustered up my dignity and walked as gracefully as I could the rest of the way.

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SNAPSHOT#4 - RAC YOUTH BANQUET( A HAIRY TIME-LOL!!)

Snapshot#4--my big son having his first Christmas Youth banquet. Oh my...ooh!...is this hunk mine? He says, no...the looks skipped a generation...cheeky, huh? I looked over the youth when I came to pick him up. They looked so cute! Suits, strappy dresses, gelled-up hair...and then my son standing out with his mother-inherited looks...oh boy! And then, the protest when I insisted he cover up his new sweater with his winter coat to go outside...his youth leader giving me a sympathetic "Kids!"-with a shake of the head..all the while watching my son and grinning...with his real sentiment.."Moms!"

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Hey, Here is another wintry memory I wrote a long time ago when inspired by my older son who was young at the time..hahaha...a how-to moment..in winter..staying with the theme here....

When your son asks the dreaded question….
Scenario:
You've been waiting for your 9-year-old son after school for 10 minutes. He comes up to the car window, his big and beautiful brown eyes brimming over with anticipatory excitement, and asks the dreaded question: "Mom, can you wait 5 minutes more so I can go ice sliding with my friends?"

What to do:
1. Gulp hard and nod dubiously. Cautiously say, "O-ooo-K, just 5 minutes."

2. As he turns and runs with a whoop of delight vowing he will time it on his hi-tech watch, let your imagination run wild. See those razor sharp peaks on those ice cliffs waiting to pierce innocent puerile bodies. See the 2 biggest kids in his school cruelly plunging their enormous bodies into your son’s still softly moulding yet exquisite physique.

3. Immediately go into prayer warrior mode. Place a hedge of protection around every bone you can remember. If you are a mid-life Mom like me, a lot of those biological bone names have already disintegrated with some neurons. So concentrate on the femur and humerus, (no-no, that’s not the funny bone! ). I think those are the big, important ones.

4. As your 4-year-old sings lustily in the backseat, "I may never march in the infatry, ride in the calorie, shoot the litilery..", silently finish, "Cuz I broke all my bones on the ice..".

5. Boldly chastise yourself for your utter folly in allowing your son to undertake such a risky venture, possibly jeopardizing a future military career. Let your prayers enter the "implore" and "have mercy" mode. Close your eyes and grip that steering wheel with daring power.

6. Open your eyes slowly to glimpse your son’s familiar form approaching the car. "Is he limping?" Thank God profusely for that normal silly walking gait and sigh with a great sense of relief and amazement that your prayers have been so wonderfully answered. You may now breathe without that choking sensation.

7. As he gets closer, you notice red splotches on his face. In horror, kick yourself for forgetting to pray for his face! Who knew he would land on that beautiful face!

8. As he reaches the car, you realize that the red splotches are his rosy cheeks and he is beaming with delight and satisfaction. Emblazon that expression in your heart’s memory album. That moment will never return.

9. Let it sink in that you are the only one who is injured as your foot throbs (remember that kick?). Make a mental note to register for that anxiety disorder seminar at your church next week.

10. Ask ever so calmly, "So, had a good time?"

11. As he responds, "Oh, totally, Mom..they said that I was almost better than anyone else!" totally oblivious to your 5 minute reign of excruciating agony on his behalf. Respond, "I’m so glad, sweetie", because of course, you really are. Not only has your son mastered the science of balance in motion at supersonic speed, he has gained the respect and admiration of his peers.

12. Thank God for the gift of nurturing your son to independence and that you can release him to His care.

Repeat this exercise millions of times in the ensuing years.

Bible reading:
Matthew 7:11 – If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
Psalm 103:17-18 – The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting in those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children’s children. To such as keep His covenant, and to those who remember His commandments to do them.

Christ IN us, the hope of glory...

Well, we just had the final video session of the study where Beth tied it all together. Basically from the Garden of Eden in Gen.1 to the eternal Eden in Rev.22, God clearly shows us He created us to dwell with us. God's Presence and the manner He revealed His glory is consistent all the way through the Old Testament tabernacle, Solomon's temple, to Christ Himself, the believers' temples, the millennial temple: by cloud, fire and light. On the day of Pentecost, tongues of fire appeared over the heads of the believers. As believers, we are told to be light and lampstands to a dark world. He lives IN us, to shine through us to a dark world. How glorious is that! He chose to pitch His tent in this woman's heart, a woman so flawed that a perfect and holy God should dismiss forthwith. Yet, because, I asked His perfect Son, the Lamb of God crucified for my sins, to dwell within, now He has deemed me, the righteousness of Christ.

Father, I bow in gratitude to You. May You find a pleasant dwelling place in my heart. My desire is for You and to show You to a lost and dying world. I surrender my all to You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Heavenly morsels...

Morsel #1

"May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." (The Holy Bible, NIV version, 1Thess.5:23)

I must confess I have so looked forward to doing the final week of homework and I was not disappointed. At different times, I found myself singing involuntarily to the holiness of God. I was reminded that indeed we are the temple of the living God in the new covenant. He is dwelling in my tent. Since my spirit, soul and body are inseparably linked, each impacts the other. Like this week, with my illness, my emotional and spiritual life suffered as well. If God is indeed dwelling in me, then it behooves me to honour this body that he knit together in my mother's womb. How often I have seen Christians not taking care of their bodies, and that includes me. I tell you, I started back on my vitamin regimen and did my walk today. Oh yeah! Beth remarked, "A healthy, holy tabernacle provides the best environment in which a healthy, holy soul and spirit can thrive."

Father, may I remember daily that I am the temple of the living God and prompt me to take the best care of my body, soul and spirit. May I exercise my body, mind and soul in walking, studying and reflecting on Your Word, living practically, praying and communing with You. May I remember that I have been chosen to reveal Your glory in the darkness around us. Thank You for that awesome privilege. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Morsel #2

Oh my, this is what I have so long anticipated. This sumptuous morsel. Beth titled the last study day as The Intimacy of the Holy of Holies. She had us draw again the basic tabernacle diagram. This time we looked in the New Testament and at how intimacy grew as the Holy of Holies was approached, but how the numbers of people dwindled when it came to the most Holy Place. 1Cor.15:6 showed 500 brothers saved-figuratively standing at the bronze altar as we enter the tabernacle. Next we see Luke 10:1-2, where 72 people were set apart for service--figuratively placing them at the basin. Then we come across the 12 disciples fellowshipping with Jesus in Matt.26:17-30. We can figuratively place them beside the Holy Place. Yet we read in Matt.17:1-8 and Mark 14:32-52 that only 3 were invited into the innermost chambers to witness the transfiguration, to witness the agony at Gethsamene. Beth asks, "Why just those three?" She answers, "Because God pierces the deepest intents of the heart. He knows who really yearns and searches for Him."

Prayer:
"Oh, Father, would that I be one who enters to meet with You in the Most Holy Place. I know that to enter there means that my heart's desire must be for You, and You alone. This You have been teaching me. Though it was a temporal crisis that prompted this coming to You in this way, I now realize that the need that I have is for You. All else fades because it is covered by You. May I always yearn and search for You. May I display Your awesome resurrection power through my earthly sufferings. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Beth asks this question and I want you to consider it with me: "Can you live with the mediocrity of life in the outer court when you have been invited to dwell in the excellence of the innermost place?" If you dare enter, you will never be the same. Nor will anyone around you."
And I will say to Beth, YES!!!! I want more than anything to dwell constantly in the innermost place. And yes, I know that I will never be the same! From the start of this blog to now, it is amazing how God is filling out His Word to me. The picture is getting clearer and clearer!

Here is part of Beth's poem with the last verse bringing me to my feet in exultation saying "YES!!!" May you too know the joy of her sentiment.

Heaven

...Yet Lord, I feel I must express

What heaven means to me.

It's not the mansion of my dreams

That I receive for free.

You see, Lord, if You'd given me

A hut beneath a tree

Or led me to a country shack

Where I'd forever be,

I'd make my home there happily

For always and a day

If You'd make just one promise

You too would come and stay.

Because, my Lord, one thing is sure,

So, search my heart and see--

It's not reward my heart leaps for:

YOU ARE HEAVEN TO ME.

(Moore, Beth, A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place)

God demonstrated His approval...

In this week of the Bible study on the building of God's tabernacle, I was stunned at how specific God's instructions were and how interconnected it was to the tabernacle built without human hands, His own home. When Beth followed up on other Scripture that reinforced God's own Word in a different time with different voices, I marvelled at God's consistency. The reason I am stunned has to be that I never gave some of the 'boring' passages for me any real credence as being relevant or divinely inspired. I now realized that every Word that God spoke through His servants is of importance. That Bible that I have is a record of His Word, and I must now with that knowledge, give due diligence to study.

A short while ago, I was praying in my room. Oh, solitude, how precious it is when accompanied by silence! I told God how wonderful it was that He gave Moses specific instructions and they were followed. When God saw that the tabernacle was acceptable and built according to His instructions, He filled the temple with His glory. That moved me as I pictured an obedient heart being filled with His glory. I begged Him to give me clear instructions. He has answered in the previous paragraph. I usually have no clear idea what I am going to write except what He has been teaching me. Well, He has used this to show me.."Study my Word..."

Have you heard about the behaviour modification concept? Well, Beth remarked how we as Christians sometimes use obedience modification where we modify God's Word to us to make it more palatable. Is there something He has spoken to you about? Do you find yourself asking, "How come so-and-so don't have to do all of that to get Your blessing?" Don't look at anyone else, God's plan for you is unique to you, and only exact obedience will result in God's glory.

Father, I worship and adore You. Continue to speak into our hearts Your instructions so that we may obey You exactly. Unclog our minds and emotions to correctly hear You. Fill us with Your glory for Your glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Injections of hope in the storm...

Well, it has been a heavy couple of days with my son recovering slowly from pneumonia, and my parents returning to Trinidad, and getting the cold with little chance to rest, and winter weather has finally arrived..oohhh! It's been a comfort to apply what I have been learning about God; that there is no detail of my life that He is not intimately familiar with. And when it felt too much, guess what? He provided a way of escape, injecting some hope, injecting some grace. He led my friend, Ivel, to call, and she prayed with me. And then today, I saw the Touched by an Angel episode that dealt with an archaeologist looking for the Ark of the Covenant. Oh, wow...what timing..when this is what I have been studying in detail..when they encountered the glory of God before the ark, the angel, Gloria, started to sing,
No Higher Calling,

"Down at Your feet, O Lord, Is the most high place,

In Your presence Lord, I seek Your face, I seek Your face..

There is no higher calling, No greater honour,

Than to bow and kneel before Your throne,

I'm amazed by Your glory, Embraced by Your mercy,

Lord, I live to worship You.

LEBLANC, LENNYCopyright: 1989 DOULOS PUBLISHING Year:

Wow..how cool is that! I raised the volume to the highest and just revelled in those words as I slipped automatically into praise. Knowing the significance of how the ark was made, with what materials, and for what reasons, really deepened my sense of awe. God is indeed good and faithful to His Word.

Father, for those of us who are feeling wasted by life's circumstances, please send a physical manifestation of Your love so that we get the grace You promised to persevere. Thank You. You are worthy. I bow before You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Petitions and praise...

The day of the study that I spoke of in my last post was our first snowstorm of the year. In fact, I was surprised the study was not cancelled. I do NOT like to drive in such conditions. My son was also home sick, with a fever, later diagnosed as pneumonia. My parents also were going for their final medical visit before returning home on Sunday. My system is also battling a cold. People, this woman is WEARY! So, what made me go..or rather..WHO made me go?

Thank You, Lord. I am so hungry to hear how much You love me. I am glad that even though as Beth says, our 'soul' is tossed and tumbled by life's circumstances, it is anchored behind the veil to the throne of grace. (Hebrews 6:13-20) And it is HOPE that anchors our soul, hope in You. Even as I lift my words of praise and gratitude to You, I lift up my petitions for healing for my son and parents. Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. You are mighty to save.
Amen.

The veil is rent...my soul is bent...

In a recent post I spoke about Beth discussing the details of the building of the tabernacle and how I was blown away that each detail bore such significance. I had read these passages many times before, or should I say, skimmed these passages that annoyed me with its detail on measurements and fabric and colour etc. I never knew that He was giving a heavenly pattern of His own dwelling in heaven. That detail escaped me. When Beth switched between Exodus/Leviticus/Numbers and Revelation, I was like.."Oh my goodness...whoa..." Then she went on to show how God is involved with all the details of our lives, in fact, He literally 'thought' it through. When a friend sent me an email detailing her medical condition and treatment and the 'what ifs' involved, it struck me, "Wow, God knows all these details that seem so insurmountable in its layers of complexity...He fashioned it in love for her...and He is able to save my friend absolutely..." In one way, this can be a very bitter cup to take...but I am rejoicing that my friend loves her Father and He loves her....

Well, Beth did it again, or should I say, God did it again through Beth. We were discussing the details He gave regarding the Holy of Holies and who had access beyond the veil. Only the High Priest could lift that veil to sprinkle the blood from the altar of sacrifice and meet with God at the mercy seat placed on the ark of the covenant. What did not strike me as forcefully as it did last Thursday was that the veil for us is/was Jesus Himself. When He was sacrificed on the Cross, that veil was torn from top to bottom, just as His Body was torn from top to bottom. Because of Him, we now have open access to intimacy with the Father, to meet with Him. Jesus' torn body was what gave me access to God. I really cannot explain the image that has been emblazoned in my soul. All I know is, I cannot comprehend as the song goes, "Why should He love me so...[whole song at end]. [For anyone reading this who is wondering what this woman is on about, I would really recommend you either take this study with your church or do it online with Lifeway] I simply cannot give all the gems of truth that has been imparted these past couple of weeks through Scripture that meant nothing to me before, but now evidences God's love for me.

Father, wow...thank You...I don't understand why...to have that privilege reserved for the High Priest..just because I have been sprinkled with the Blood of Your Son...I bow before You...Beth spoke of the progression..Holy...starting in service...Holy, Holy...beholding Your Son as the veil...and then Holy, Holy, Holy..when we shall see You face to face...just as the angels are singing to You right now, Holy, Holy, Holy..wow...Father..there is so much..thank You

Why Should He Love Me So
Robert Harkness
http://www.pwarchive.com/song.aspx?SongID=2310&v=1

Love sent my Saviour to die in my stead
Why should He love me so
Meekly to Calvary's cross He was led
Why should He love me so

Chorus:
Why should He love me so
Why should He love me so
Why should my Saviour to Cal - va - ry go
Why should He love me so

Verse 2:
Nails pierced His hands and His feet for my sin
Ne suffered sore my salvation to win
Meekly to Calvary's cross He was led
Why should He love me so

Verse 3:
O how He agonised there in my place
Nothing witholding my sin to efface
Meekly to Calvary's cross He was led
Why should He love me so

©1925. Renewed 1952 Broadman Press (Admin. by LifeWay Christian Resources) All rights reserved. International copyright secured.CCLI song #171725

Sidestreets...to Ottawa!?

Another wonderful thing happened at the study this morning. I had a laughing fit, and not by myself! My friend, Ivel, was tickled by the ludicrosity (my word) of using sidestreets to drive to Ottawa from Toronto. Let's just say it was the result of 4 people talking and responding based on parts of the conversation they individually heard. I, of course, heard the whole bit as I was in the middle. Let's just say, I could not stop giggling and apparently Ivel got the same tickle. I loved it. I'd forgotten how I love to laugh! Not superficial, but deep-down belly-felt humour! Thank you, Ivel! Then we just sat and talked for 2 hours after the study totally unaware that there was a power cut in our area. We thought the lights had gone out to give people a hint to leave! How wonderful fellowship is with a sister like Ivel. Thank you, Lord.

Mercy...intercession...purpose

I was so looking forward to today's Beth Moore session. In the past week, I have realized that the 'crisis' that in recent times brought me to my knees and to surrender finally to God, was still there, but amazingly, it has faded in the background and my main concern has become my relationship with my Father. The more Beth opens up His Word for me, the more I fall in 'awe' with God. There were several snippets that ministered to me.

First, she defined mercy as "God's tender regard for the misery of man consequent to sin". I do not know about you, but what a beautiful picture this is for me, because I have felt a lot of misery in my life, and to think that He tenderly regards me, the sinful soul that I am, is totally amazing to me. She went on to quote the King James version of Hebrews 7:25, "Wherefore He is able to save them to the uttermost that come to God by Him, seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them." Jesus actually lives to intercede for you and me! He thrives, He lives abundantly, to intercede for us.
What do you live to do?
What do you thrive on?
What makes your life abundant living?
Think about it. I am.
Notice also that God is able to save or deliver you utterly, completely, from whatever binds you.

If He doesn't deliver you how you want or when you want, does that mean He has abandoned you?
Have you noticed that Satan will do anything to make us feel abandoned and unloved by God?

Beth looked at the story of the woman who was crippled for 18 years, bent, completely unable to straighten up. She asked us to compare it to our own 'long-term' struggles. Has it become "this is who I am"--bent, a failure, a victim...etc...? She said that our past does not prophesy our future, no matter how unable we are, because GOD IS ABLE TO SAVE COMPLETELY. When Jesus declared the woman healed, she straightened up immediately. Would we? Think about it.

The second part addressed that Jesus intercedes for us according to the will of God. The Greek root boule for will or purpose denotes the result of deliberation and reflection.
Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Psalm 139:17-18: 17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
Therefore when we are surrendered to Him, nothing we are allowed to face is without 'thought' on His part. If He does not take away your 'cup of suffering', then it is critical to His purpose for you in this generation. It is relevant. God stays consistent with our purpose with all that He allows.
How comforting to think that He actually dwells in careful reflection for me, to intercede for me. There is noone else I would rather do this for me. He who is completely familiar with my ways and knows what will equip me for His purposes can pray what I cannot.

Oh Jesus, please intercede for me this night, for any who will read this prayer. Please pray for what we need at this time to abundantly live for You. Let me know what You have prayed. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Cycle of temptation...

Day 3 of my Beth Moore study has an insightful look at the cycle of temptation we experience daily. You can simply think of any sin you are prone to, e.g. overeating (gluttony), losing your temper etc... Beth took us through David's temptation in 2Samuel 11 to his restoration in 2Samuel 12:20. The cycle includes:
-the temptation.
-the hesitation (should I or shouldn't I-warning bell (the Holy Spirit) that something is wrong).
-the participation (giving in).
-the repentance (genuine regret with the attitude "I will not go there again by the grace of God."
-the restoration (God's Presence and love manifested)
In 1Corinthians 10:13, God promises that He will never give us more than we can bear, but will always provide a way of escape. Beth says, "The cycle..is as old as the Garden of Eden...Two things about a believer's temptation never vary:(1) We always have an open door, a way out. (2) Every door we refuse to walk through makes the next one even harder to enter."

What really hit me was when Beth talked about God not convicting us of our sin to show our utter wretchedness, for He calls us the righteousness of God in Christ." God convicts us through His Holy Spirit because He is grieved when fellowship between us is broken."
He wants a relationship with ME, one unbroken by wilful sin! He wants to commune with lil' ole me! That really wows me.

Father, I pray for a keen conviction of sin in my life and those I love. I know that You require a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart. Work that into our lives, Father. Thank You for your grace, Your mercy, Your unconditional love. Thank You for Your discipline when we go astray as it shows we are indeed Your children. Thank You that You love to restore us when we truly repent. Thank You, Lord.

Read Psalm 51 to appreciate why God loved David so much even after he gave into adultery and murder. The NIV version and the modern paraphrase The Message gives 2 slants.
(http://www.bible.com/)
Psalm 51 (NIV Version)
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ; you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Footnotes:
Psalm 51:6 The meaning of the Hebrew for this phrase is uncertain.
Psalm 51:6 Or you desired?; / you taught
Psalm 51:17 Or My sacrifice, O God, is

(The Message):
Psalm 51
1 -3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record. Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down. 4 -6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. 7 -15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise. 16 -17 Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice. 18 -19 Make Zion the place you delight in, repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls. Then you'll get real worship from us, acts of worship small and large, Including all the bulls they can heave onto your altar!

Divine reaffirmation...

If you check my last 2 posts on Nov.12, you will see I shared on God watching us and fruitfulness as we abide in Christ. These 2 lessons came from the Beth Moore study. Well, God decided I needed some reaffirmation and along came my Spurgeon devotionals for today, and, well...you read for yourself the excerpts [http://bible.christiansunite.com/devotionals.shtml]...
...Isn't our God just cool and divine?...

The Unfailing Watch
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. (Psalm 121:4) Jehovah is "the Keeper of Israel."... He never fails to watch the house and the heart of His people. This is a sufficient reason for our resting in perfect peace... When we lie defenseless, Jehovah Himself will cover our head. The Lord keeps His people as a rich man keeps his treasure, as a captain keeps a city with a garrison, as a sentry keeps watch over his sovereign. None can harm those who are in such keeping. Let me put my soul into His dear hands. He never forgets us, never ceases actively to care for us, never finds Himself unable to preserve us. O my Lord, keep me, lest I wander and fall and perish. Keep me, that I may keep Thy commandments. By Thine unslumbering care prevent my sleeping like the sluggard and perishing like those who sleep the sleep of death.

"The branch cannot bear fruit of itself."-John 15:4
When have you been the most fruitless? Has not it been when you have lived farthest from the Lord Jesus Christ, when you have slackened !in prayer, when you have departed from the simplicity of your faith, when your graces have engrossed your attention instead of your Lord, when you have said, "My mountain standeth firm, I shall never be moved"; and have forgotten where your strength dwells-has not it been then that your fruit has ceased? Some of us have been taught that we have nothing out of Christ, by terrible abasements of heart before the Lord; and when we have seen the utter barrenness and death of all creature power, we have cried in anguish, "From Him all my fruit must be found, for no fruit can ever come from me." We are taught, by past experience, that the more simply we depend upon the grace of God in Christ, and wait upon the Holy Spirit, the more we shall bring forth fruit unto God. Oh! to trust Jesus for fruit as well as for life.

Thank You, Father.

I am smitten...

I have to confess that I am totally smitten...with my sons. This weekend, my oldest was in Ottawa for a Bible quizzing competition. Throughout the weekend, I kept getting flashes of his gorgeous face, flashing with energy. I pictured him jumping and answering his questions, giving a funny quip whenever he could. Such a feeling of joy and pride filled my heart whenever I thought of him. Growing in independence and oh-so-handsome! (totally the mother's genes!) And my youngest looking at me in wry amusement as I talked about his brother. Aww, Mom, you sure are missing him, aren't you? He is the one who tells me that if he could, he would surely give me a month or two at a spa, for that is what I deserved for my birthday. Oh man, he just melts my heart. Then he gives me such a beautiful hug. He is such a hugger.

But Lord, what about the many mothers who do not have their sons with them to watch and adore right now...it is Remembrance Day...sons have been killed in Iraq..or Afghanistan recently...many more Canadians gave their lives in previous wars....many died on 9/11...Father, I do not understand all the whys, but I do know that You watched Your own beautiful and perfect Son, on whom You pronounced "I am well pleased," die a slow torturous death...for me. I pray that You send Your Spirit to minister at this time and bring comfort and grace to all who need that touch from You. Thank you for lending me such beautiful creations in my sons for a while. I know that they are Yours and like You, I am pressed to the glass as I watch and pray for them for Your purposes to be fulfilled in them. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A carpet of golden leaves...

November 11th weekend...full...
Remembrance Day...we remember our war veterans and those currently in war zones...
...my son's Bible quizzing competition in Ottawa...
...my birthday...
As I was driving today under grey skies and intermittent rain,wondering how I would tie all my thoughts together from such a mish-mash of happenings, my eyes were drawn to the sea of golden leaves lining the streets. A touch of gold in the grey. How like God! I can't help but reflect that as part of His creation, we humans parallel this process of shedding, death and rebirth in new glory. My birthday is usually a time when I love to reflect. In recent years, it has become a time of grieving, for the loss of dreams that I had hoped to fulfill by a certain time. This year, however, I realize that like the trees, there has been much shedding going on in my life. At times the shedding of leaves were painful and I wanted to hold on. But as Beth said in one session, we can get splinters from holding on to what He wants to prune. He is in the business of cutting out that which has become our 'energy-wasters', another season's fruit. He prunes to allow profound effectiveness. John 15:1-3 (NIV version, The Holy Bible) says:
John 15
The Vine and the Branches
1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
(www.bible.com)

Our response is to simply abide in Him and persevere. This is my determination for my next year of life, to continue to abide and seek out what is choking the life of the Vine in me. Beth gave the image of God watching each of His children closely to see His purposes being fulfilled, much like a child with his nose up against the window glass. Jeremiah 1:12 conveys this image: "I am early on the watch to carry out my purpose." (NEB version, The Holy Bible) It is a picture of a Father excited to watch us grow and glow in His glory. How comforting to me.

Father, thank You for Your faithful watch over us. Many times, I forget that as long as I have surrendered my concerns, my ambitions, my dreams, my life to You, You have taken over the controls and I can rest in the fact that You are allowing what I am presently experiencing. May I learn what it means to abide in You, rest in You, submit to Your trimming and pruning, remain in Your love. Here I am. Continue to teach me. How I marvel at Your goodness, Your God-ness. Thank You for carpets of golden leaves. Thank You. I worship and adore You. All my love, dear Lord. I look forward to so much more abiding with You. How sweet it is to be loved by You. Until we meet again, sweet Jesus.
Sita

Prayerlessness...a sin...

Yes, I had to share Beth words to me. My prayerlessness is a big no-no, it is a sin against my Jesus. Read the following Scriptures yourself: Isaiah 50:4-5; Mark 14:38; Philipians 4:6-7; James 4:2. I know how awful I begin to feel when I have not prayed. Beth says, "Prayerlessness is a sin because: (1) it causes us to forfeit some of God's precious gifts to us, (2) it makes us much weaker when tempted, (3) it causes us anxiety, and (4) it closes our ears to God."
Hey, is it any wonder I feel so awful?

What she goes on to share was of great comfort to me. "We cannot out-sin God's ability to forgive...after we have truly repented and reveled in God's sure forgiveness, our worship becomes the fragrance of purest nectar..."
Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father to continually intercede for us. So let us persevere in presenting our prayer and praise offerings to Him to offer to the Father. May I bless you tonight with the prayer that God lavishes His love on you to show your great worth to Him. Be blessed.

God's first recorded words....

A couple of years ago, my friend, Connie Noguchi, wrote a book entitled "Peridot Parables". She spoke of the struggle to create a garden in soil full of rocks. God used this to help her discover the rocks themselves as His lesson or parable to her. She inspired me to look at what God was allowing in my life at that time. Depression. So, like her, I delved into the Scripture to find God's lessons. Starting in Genesis, I was taken aback. Chapter 1:2-3 (NIV version, The Holy Bible) says:
2. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. 3. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light."
How simple. Depression represents emptiness and darkness to countless people. How comforting it is to see the Spirit hovering over our soul's darkness very much like the pillar of fire over the Israelites at night. God simply spoke His word: "Let there be light!" And there was. My study stopped there. I transformed this into a prayer for myself and friends that I know who struggle with depression and asked God to speak His Word into our darkness.

What I did not do was to persevere in prayer and open my eyes every morning to say"Father, speak Your Word, "Let there be light" in my life today. Consequently I could not hear Him say at night, "There was light" and sense Him tenderly tucking me in. How important that light is to those He allows into our sphere of influence. I confess I feel my 'light' is inconsequential in the face of so much suffering. But Beth reminded us in Matthew 5:14-16 that God told us to place our lamp on a stand so that it gives light to everyone in the house.

Strangely, that is what this blog has become for me, a stand. I have no idea who comes here or why, but I know that He who led me to express my overflowing heart here will lead those who need to drink from Him here. God opened my eyes twice in 2 days to the same Scripture that touched a deep chord within and I realize that it is my heart's desire:
Isaiah 50:4-5 (NIV version, The Holy Bible):
4. The sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. 5. The sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.
The red highlighted words speak to me of the necessity of daily listening with a submissive and humble heart for His Word, His instruction. This is holy ground for me. The journey continues.

Father, I come to You with awe and reverence. How faithful You are. I thank You for Your mercy. I thank You for Your plan. I ask for Your help, I ask You to speak light into my life and those who are reading who need You. Incite our spirits to eagerly hunger after You daily. Wake us up to meet with You. Fill us with your Spirit. Instruct us in the way we should go. Your Word says,"Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the Name of the Lord and rely on His God." (Isaiah 50:10b) So I declare my trust in Your Name. I declare my reliance on You alone. Now to You, O God, who is able to do so much more than we could ever hope or imagine, to You, O God, be the glory forever and ever, Amen.

Bone weary and dry...

I have had a hiatus...brief family reunion...due to my father's medical condition. It was so wonderful to see my brother from Florida and sister and b.i.l. from England. Yet, this girl forgot to get her daily manna while fulfilling the role of official 'host/driver'. Consequently, I suffered quite a toll physically, emotionally and spiritually. So now, I'm playing 'catch-up'..but sadly, I can never go back and have God empower me for the taxing days in the past where I would have shown His fragrance. And this girl wonders about the hard-headed Israelites?!

Anyway, He did not bash me over the head. He noticed I can do a good enough job there. But I am learning, the 'gaps of neglecting' are getting shorter, so there is progress! I noticed He was reinforcing the lesson He started to teach me when I began this blog. Whose voice is definitive? This was the hardest test, when it involves family members. I confess I did quaver and waver and flounder. But I'm slowly learning to filter any input through what He has been teaching me. Growing in Him is quite a process, isn't it?

I had forgotten to note the principles I learnt in the last Beth Moore video session before my 'leave'. She addressed our hearts when we approached the Altar, which she noted was a place of :
Awe [Isaiah 6:1-8],
Relief [Isaiah 6:7/Psalm32:1-7],
Refuge [1Kings 1:50-53],
Joy [Leviticus 9:22-24/Exodus 29:35-37].
-When we approach Him, we have no need to cover up our sins, for He has already covered it with His blood (comparing it to the blood of animal sacrifices required by the Israelites to atone for their for their sins).
-The more we spend in the light of His Presence, the more He will shine in the details of our lives.
-True intimacy with God always breeds humility: every time He moves you to do something that will affect the lives of others, He first gives you a fresh glimpse of yourself [yikes--it ain't pretty]--so that you will KNOW that it was and is His Work, His glory.
-Psalm 32:1 -"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered." Bow your knees with me and offer up your 'messes' to become 'holy messes' to be used for His glory.

Read with me Psalm 62:
Psalm 62
For Jeduthun, the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 I wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.
3 So many enemies against one man—all of them trying to kill me. To them I’m just a broken-down wall or a tottering fence.
4 They plan to topple me from my high position. They delight in telling lies about me. They praise me to my face but curse me in their hearts. [Interlude ]
5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
7 My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
8 O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.[Interlude]
9 Common people are as worthless as a puff of wind, and the powerful are not what they appear to be. If you weigh them on the scales, together they are lighter than a breath of air.
10 Don’t make your living by extortion or put your hope in stealing. And if your wealth increases, don’t make it the center of your life.
11 God has spoken plainly, and I have heard it many times: Power, O God, belongs to you;
12 unfailing love, O Lord, is yours. Surely you repay all people according to what they have done.
www.bible.com
New Living Translation (NLT)
Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996, 2004

Father, please forgive me for I have sinned. I have been disobedient and not come out to gather the manna that I needed. I have not drunk of Your Presence and I am dry and weary. Thank You that Your mercies are new every morning, that your compassion never fails. I offer up my 'mess' to You. Make it holy for Your glory. Father, Bread of heaven, now feed me till I want no more, Fill my cup, Fill it up and make me whole. For anyone reading here who needs to be filled, please let them know their sins are covered, and fill them with You. Thank You, Father. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Empty pitchers and dirty feet...

I promised to give you more reasons from the Beth Moore study [see last post] why we have such difficulty in obeying the command to "wash one another's feet"--act of cleansing and servanthood. (Beth Moore. A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, p.86-87)

--2. We don't want to leave the table to do it....We fear leaving the comfort of the familiar.
=> It's easy to relate to this point in this multicultural society where so many ethnic groups with their different cultural habits intermingle. We're afraid to offend or be offended. What do you think?

--3. We would have to lay aside the outer garments...It is difficult to hide when washing another's feet...True servants are only those who are willing to be vulnerable.
=> It's true when I think of those people I can approach or be honest with are those who are transparent themselves. Any thoughts?

--4. All too often, our pitchers are empty...John 13:5..When we fail to be filled, we have nothing to pour out...Be encouraged: the first miracle Christ performed was filling up empty pitchers...
=> Is this why I find myself singing more times than I care to remember, "Fill my cup, Lord, I lift it up, Lord, Come and quench this thirsting of my soul, Bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more, Fill my cup, Fill it up and make me whole..." It is so true, though, isn't it..let the Master fill your pitchers...

--5. We do not like feet...They are smelly and dirty...Facing the worn, calloused areas of others' lives might remind us of our own...
=> Yep, point taken...need to deal with our wounds...for with the comfort we are given we are then equipped to comfort others....
[the rest later]..

Father, please give us the faith to walk outside our comfort zone to embrace Your purpose, please grant us transparent hearts and empower us with Your Spirit to minister to others. Please help us to confront and have Your grace poured on our own pain. Help us, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

He was not humiliated by humility...

Can you believe this..3 posts in one day...and it is grey and rainy and cold outside...I should be wallowing in heaviness..instead I'm just overflowing with sharing...just drop me a line telling me "Enough now!"
Anyway, this I HAVE to share. You know it must be from Beth Moore's study, right?
Ok...she was talking about Christ washing the disciples' feet and the lesson that He was teaching about ongoing cleansing and servanthood. Then Christ commanded them to wash one another's feet. (John 13:14). She then went on to give seven reasons why we have difficulty with this concept:(Beth Moore, A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place, p.86-87) (I'll just mention one for now and comment...)
1. We lack the assurance of who we are...Jesus knew His position with His Father. He had nothing to prove; therefore He was not humiliated by humility...We are coheirs with Christ (Rom.8), so if you know who you are in Christ, your personal ego is not an issue.

-----So this speaks to me in the context of a visible minority female immigrant here. There are just some people you meet who have made these ummm..negative demeaning assumptions about you..and they want only to 'put you in your place'...and you just want to..well...let them know in no uncertain way just how 'accomplished' you really are and what your umm...'place' is...[with a few choice words about their place as well]...so that's why God's been teaching me to value His opinion of me, my 'position' in Him...until 'their' opinions or treatment, good or bad, no longer matters...check my second post on this blog...but it will take a long time..transformation takes its time...

So the rest of Beth's points are gems as well...but so as not to overload you and allow you to dwell on this one thought..I'll leave it for later....

Father, help us to know who we are in You so that the 'voices' of this world gradually grow dimmer and dimmer until all we hear is Your Voice saying, "You are my beloved..."Thank You, Father. Amen.

Do your children make you say "HUH?!"

..I mean, in a nice way...I had 2 such moments recently and I believe I must record it for posterity sake (whatever that means(-; )..
..OK..it is my 9-yr-old's bedtime. So this mother (me) begins to get a tiny bit hyper..."Turn that gameboy off..it is time for bed!..Helloooo..did you hear me young man..It is time for bed!" I was totally in the I-have-to-get-this-done zone. Then my son said, not once, but twice (must be in the genes).."Wait, Mom, you have to see this...you have to see this.." I started, "Didn't.." when I looked at him and the tone of his voice for some reason filtered through my clogged-up senses. A voice said.."this is important to him that I see this..", so I looked patiently as he showed me how he scored a cool soccer goal. So, what do I say, "Oh, that's cool, son."
And what does my 9-going-on-20-yr-old say to grant me a huh moment? He looks at me with a wide grin and all-knowing eyes that bore through my soul, "Thanks, Mom, for pretending to care!"...HUH? Ok, I confess, I did have to force myself at first...but after I realized it sounded important to him [See, some of the parenting advice is working!], I really began to care!
Anyway, what a cool moment..I laughed and hugged my son.

Alright, my second son, the 14-yr-old goes to a youth conference last weekend. While I was gone, he called. When I came back home, I found out from my 9-yr-old that he had called and had asked to speak to my younger son to tell him that he missed him. My younger son with quite a bemused (I'm really getting mileage out of this word today!) expression said, "Yeah, that's all he said..It was quite disturbing!" So I go into this-is-so-not-normal-there-is-something-wrong mode. "Are you sure that is all he said!? That is not like him! Think! Think! Are you sure?"
"I'm sure, Mom..I was quite disturbed." (with a wry smile and a nod).
Well, I'm sorry to say, I had no smile. I quickly went into Call History, saw a strange number, redialed. Got an answering service. A few moments later, my son called. "Hey Mom, tell my brother to stop calling me and annoying me..this is my friend's cell!" (doesn't sound like the same one who just called to tell his brother he missed him!)...
"That wasn't him, that was me..your mother...he told me you called to say you missed him..."
"Missed him?..NOOOOO..He is so messed up...I said I loved him! (WHAT?! HUH!)..the workshop speaker told us to call someone and say you loved them!...HAHAHAHA...and my friend called his sister and she thought he was on some drug!"..OK..bye Mom!" Click. (Hello?..no I-love-you-Mom???)

Aren't these HUH moments just so precious? I wonder if I give God those. Probably not, he already knows what I'm going to say before the words are even formed in my brain. But God sure gives me HUH moments as I get glimpses of His mind. Such a delightful moment in time. But I guess I understand what he means when He say He delights in His children because I delight in the boys He has lent to me for a while!

Father, thank You for delight. Thank You for HUH moments. Thank You for granting us those glimpses of You where warm light suffuses our brain with delight. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

So how does Beth do that...

I finally know what a "bemused" [to cause feelings of tolerant amusement; confusion] expression is and it is all due to Beth Moore. I have read Exodus, Numbers and Leviticus many times before and I have managed to break all records in speed reading when going through the technical aspects of building the tabernacle. Well, not this week. Who knew that metal, fabric, wood, colour, or precious stones had any eternal significance? Well, I guess Beth did 'cause..Wow! OK..Just a glimpse for you:

--God's choice of wood was acacia for the altar. Why?! You must be asking! Beth says it was known for its incorruptibility because it resisted decay. Scholars link this wood to Christ's humanity--(Ps.16:10)--His body never decayed. A striking parallel is that both the acaia wood and Christ bore heavy sharp thorns.
--Gold=>rarity and purity=>God's deity.
--Silver=>redemption and atonement.
--Bronze=>strength and judgement.
--Precious stones=>God's children.
--Purple=>most valued colour among ancient cultures=>royalty, knigship, elegance.
--Blue=>of heavenly descent.
--Scarlet=>sins.
--Fine linen=>religious acts of saints.
I guess I missed the part in Exodus 25:9 where God said "Make this tabernacle and all its furnishings exactly like the pattern I will show you". Hebrews 8:5 says it was "a copy and shadow of what is in heaven". Who knew God was also the ultimate interior decorator and architect?

Beth even had us draw the tabernacle in proportion to the measurements and place the different tribes, altar, basin etc...I did not understand why this woman was making us go through this exercise, but knowing that God had a purpose for every detail, I can only say that as I look at my blueprint, I say "Wow!"

Hey..nothing of God's plan for you is wasted material. God planned your purpose meticulously for His glory. Even your role. The sons of Korah (Levites) were assigned to help near the tabernacle, just under Aaron and his sons, but they rebelled wondering why Aaron and his sons placed themselves above everyone else. They forgot that it was God who had made the assignments. So they were all buried alive when the earth opened up. But there was a remnant because Beth led us to the Psalms. specifically Ps.84 written by the sons of Korah and it really makes for a more profound understanding...Beth paraphrased it: "O God, Our Shield, You may turn Your face to look on us once more. We are the anointed servants You assigned to a task. We are not guilty of our fathers' sins, for we have found complete satisfaction in your courts! Hear from our hearts, O God! We are a people humbled to accept any form of servitude You would grant us. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than to take up residence in the finest abodes this world could boast. For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere." (Moore, Beth, A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place, p.89) How cool is that!

Pray with me:
Father, thank You that You have planned our purpose, our tasks, down to the finest detail. But God, we are blind and deaf and cannot see or hear Your plan. Please unplug our ears, remove the scales from our eyes to see and hear. Cleanse our hearts, bring to our consciousness the specific sins that have not been dealt with, so that we can approach Your throne boldly with clean hearts. We see in Your Word that satisfaction comes from walking in Your way, Your will. We want that. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Moses' unique friendship with God...

..I never realized what a unique relationship Moses had with God. In my reading in Exodus 33, vs.11 says, "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend.." Further on, in vs.17, it says, "And the Lord said to Moses, I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name." Wow! Moses' plea for the Israelites moved God to change His plan of action. Moses knew Him well enough to demand that He go with them. Obviously that is what God wanted to hear because He was really pleased. This is the same Moses who murdered a man, ran from God, was too insecure about his abilities even when God said He would empower him. What was it about Moses that pleased God so much and privileged him to such a unique friendship to get an elevated glimpse of God as Beth puts it? I don't know but I really want it. I want Emanuel "God with us" to go with me, I want that special friendship, I want to show His glory to the world, I want to be distinguished by the fact that His Presence is with me.

Tonight, I was feeling overwhelmed so I came down to look over some verses in my study from Exodus 33. I am glad. Will you pray with me from the Psalms if you are feeling cast down as well?
Psalm 30:8-10,16...To You, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I cried for mercy: What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise You? Will it proclaim Your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help. Psalm 31:1-5...In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn Your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since You are my rock and fortress, for the sake of Your Name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for You are my refuge. Into Your Hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth...Let your face shine on your servant; save me in Your unfailing love. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

His Presence: I need to be "like no other"...

The second need Beth spoke of was:
(2)-Our "significance" need: We desire to "stick out".
We need His Presence in us to be significant.
Idolatry results when we believe our earthly roles/achievements/performance gives us significance. It is only His Presence that will make us "stick out" eternally.

In my search for significance, God simply allows me to undergo painful humiliation that strips me of what I believe to be my 'strong points'. Many times I do not realize that they are defining my value. I am still on that journey of grasping my significance in Him and for Him. You can see my searching in this poem I wrote a while back when I did not feel I had any legacy to leave:

Like No Other
Who do you say I am?
I am a wife and a mother…
I need to be like no other….
‘Alright, so I lost it… again..and again…
One day I’ll make it through, Lord…but when?’

I am a friend worthy of honour…
I need to be like no other….
‘its true…your friendship is a treasure..
but you’re no asset in the who-we-know measure.’

I am an academic, that’s never a bother…
I need to be like no other…
"30 minutes left!"…..I looked in a daze!
My mind was in an unbelievable haze!

I am a…I am a….yet another…
I needed to be like no other…
But each time I could plainly see,
It was not what I had thought I’d be.

Stripped and pruned by His own hand.
I have no imprint on the sand.
‘Nothing…nothing…I am nothing…!’
Recoiling, retreating, merely existing.

The Deceiver smirked, ‘my plan is working.’
The Father replied, ‘You forget, I AM sovereign!’
"Help me Lord..something is wrong…
In my weakness, You’re supposed to be strong!"

‘What I see, child, is your dearth
In not knowing your eternal worth.
Not in your head, but deep in your soul,
Your value in Me will make you whole.’

‘You are My child,’ says I AM,
‘Redeemed and bought by the blood of the Lamb.
You are my Beloved, you are mine,
I had a plan for you, before time began.’
I AM who says, ‘You are like NO OTHER.’

©2000 by Sita Henderson

Father, I pray for those who feel their 'nothingness' in this world right now. Forgive us our idolatry. I pray for those who feel and know their value by what they possess or have achieved. In both cases, Father, will You fill them with the knowledge deep down that they are of inestimable value to You. Will You bless them with a unique affirmation from You. I pray this for me as well. Thank You, O great I AM. In Jesus' Name. Amen.