A Spacious Place....

Hind's Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard is one of my favourite classics perhaps because I so easily relate to the imagery and symbolism and its main character, MuchAfraid. My Spiritual Formation teacher at seminary wrote on one of my papers that I was a "natural mystic". Like David and Jeremiah, I can go from the deepest anguish of soul to a mountaintop of joy. For years I have wished that I had more emotional common sense, that I wouldn't feel as intensely as I do. Why have You made me thus? Now I can look to Him and be thankful that He wired me like this. I have come to accept that this is how I was created, for His renown.

I have prayed and begged God at times to grant me a spacious place, as written about in Hurnard's classic, a place to run freely, without suffering, to heal, to delight in His Presence. I have begged Him for a break, for an oasis. He has given me an oasis for now and it is refreshing, but I do expect to to be thrust soon into the foray again because there is still much to be transformed in me that can only be done in the fire. One day, I know that I will be able to be steadfast and radiant no matter what the crisis because I know I am His and that will be enough.

But tonight, I confess to having a full heart, thinking about some people that I love, who are in the middle of their battle right now. I feel their pain and turmoil. My friend, Ivel, wisely shared with me that it was not the surface problem that was the issue recently. She was so right. God was using an immediate trigger to reveal what was lacking in my relationship with Him. Trust. Belief in His love...for me. The pain that comes from a heart that pursues God is the pain of betrayal that God is not living up to what and Who we believed He should be. In my own experience, I believed that God would act as He has acted in the past for me, and when He did not, I was hurt and afraid that I had lost His attention. I am learning that my knowledge of God is shallow and it will take my lifetime to deepen and experience that profound relationship that produces people who wrote classics that will live on because of its eternal value, because it is living water springing from a heart in tune with his/her Father.

Father, I pray for my friends tonight who are feeling that pain of abandonment, of hopelessness, betrayal. They have been calling out to You like I do and they feel like their prayers are falling on deaf ears. Father, please, give them a sign tonight that You are there, that Your love for them is real, that Your heart bleeds for them. Guard them from the taunts of the evil one. Let them rest in Your arms tonight. I know that You are accomplishing in them right now an eternal change that will draw them into a more intimate and satisfying relationship with You and I do so look forward to that. But for now, they are in pain and I do so want them to have an injection of hope, of Your love for them personally. Would You please grant them this tonight and this week? Thank You, Lord. In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen.

(*Reposting from 2007 archives)