Interesting day. Woke up around 4:30 am. What's up with that? Anyway, could not get back to sleep so decided to have an early quiet time. I used Stormie Omartian's Praying for Your Children. I was feeling a bit of anxiety about my teenager and the lack of control I have now that he is in high school. After I dropped the boys off, I had a good time praying aloud in the car, talking as loudly as I wanted to. I was totally oblivious to any cars passing by seeing this woman obviously having very strong opinions all by herself. Neat, huh? So my prayer went something like this..."Lord, I really believed that I would be a good communicator, speaking gently and firmly and wisely. After all, those are the kind of people I feel safe to share with. Yet here I am this borderline-psycho-neuro person totally reacting to this new teenage Attitude. I wouldn't talk with me! And to beat it all, I took Counselling courses!..Lord, I do SO need help. I SO need your wisdom! I SO need a LOT of things!..So, Lord, I surrender my wretched self again." In The Message, James 1:5 articulates the same idea: If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it.
When I went to pick up my son, he waltzed over to the car and disarmed me totally with that "hey-Mom" look. He didn't march up to me with a "you-messed-up totally" look. He went to play with the younger kids at his brother's school and they were so glad to see him and I loved watching how he loved and how he was loved by the kids. Then tonight I took my younger son to Tae Kwon Do class and there was a commotion in which the teacher spoke in a very abrasive manner. My son was in tears on the way back. He is so much like me, with a very sensitive psyche and hates angry voices. Anyway, I just realized how very blessed I am. I do love my sons. They reveal my sinful heart. They bring out the kind of love that is most selfless. But today the lesson that I learned that God is the only parent who is not dysfunctional and I can turn to Him anytime I mess up..like..um...20 times a day....
Father, I want to thank You tonight that I can turn to You when I don't know what to do, what to say. Thank You that You can speak to the hearts of my children. Thank You that You can speak to me. Thank You that You can redeem my mistakes. Grant me always the humility to admit errors and ask for forgiveness. Give my sons humble and contrite hearts. For those reading this, thank You that You promised wisdom to those who ask. Grant us Your wisdom in all our relationships. I do love You, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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